Tags
anxiety, bipolar disorder, friends, life, limits, mental health, mental illness, moods, sleep, stress, the world is full of fucking idiots
This may (or may not) surprise you to learn but I don’t have a whole lot of real live friends who live near me. There are a few women I work with that are friends in a sense, but they aren’t people I hang out with outside of work. I have the girls from class, and one of them is an employee in another department so I think she and I will stay in contact past the semester, but no guarantees. Again, not really “hanging out” type friends. Most of my time gets spent with family when it gets spent with anyone.
But I do have F. I’ve known her for years and she’s currently the only other person I know who lives with similar mental illnesses. Her flavors are a little different and she’s on a completely different med regime, but there’s enough similarity to empathize. Sounds pretty awesome, yeah?
Not so much.
I haven’t said anything about it because, well, I guess because I figured there was nothing to say. We don’t hang out all that much because she lives about an hour from me, also works full time, and has kids. But I’ve been noticing a pattern that I guess I just don’t like.
She’s most likely to get in touch when she needs help and doesn’t want to be embarrassed in front of her other friends, when something goes wrong with her mental health, when she’s gotten shit on by the latest love interest (who’s name I never do get to know), and in general when I’m the last possible option.
I got a text yesterday around lunch saying that she’ll be in town seeing a musical on Saturday and really wanted to meet for dinner. I’ll be out of town doing a bus trip with Mom that day so then she wanted to know about last night. Nope, already had dinner plans. She wouldn’t say what was so urgent only that she just had to talk to me because I’m the only one who will understand. We made plans for tomorrow, plans that I’ve just cancelled.
I’ve got that big presentation to give in May and there’s no time to handle it at work now. Josh is at school tomorrow night and Mom is getting home late which means prime work time for me. I know if I met her, not until 6pm of course, that I’d never get home in time to take my meds and unwind so I could sleep. All I need right now is for my sleep schedule to get fucked up.
So part of me feels bad about this, but mostly not. She was all anxious to meet yesterday and now today it’s “no worries.” You’re right, totally not worrying about this any more.
Mental in the Midwest 
Sometimes you just have to do what you know is best for you.
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It just sucks in a way, but you’re right.
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It’s not easy to say “no” to a friend, but sometimes not only a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do….
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You’re entirely right my friend, entirely right.
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I have little to no friends now. The one friend I’ve known since high school doesn’t call or even ask to go out to visit. It saddens me to know that my illness has shown other peoples’ true colors. Sometimes people suck.
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Sometimes they do. And that’s sad. We were so close for awhile and now it’s as if I’m a last resort. Even though it shouldn’t hurt it really does.
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Hm… is she there for you when you need her? Or is it rather one-sided?
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She used to be, but I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t feel comfortable asking her for anything because she always gives the appearance of being so involved in things that I always make the assumption she wouldn’t have time. That may not be true but that’s how it’s felt for a long time.
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Maybe you should just tell her how you feel!
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Probably, but I’d rather have that conversation in person so it’s not likely to happen soon. For now I’m just trying to be as polite as possible and not cause too much drama, with her or anyone.
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I think you should just trust your gut feeling. I used to have a friend whom I used to get on well with. But she was always really unreliable, which is something I cannot stand. I have been stood up countless times in bars and clubs and even when we set a date for phone-calls (jeez! we had to set dates!) it was always a 50:50 thing whether she would answer or not. After some really not cool incidents (like her telling me how she had suicidal thoughts and then not answering her phone for 5 days. When I finally got through she was like “Oh, it’s just something you say, right?” Uhm, no, it’s not) I told her that I will not initiate contact anymore. Every now and then I get messages from her saying how she misses me but she never picks up her phone to call. She is not good for me, she messes with my head. So I dropped her and lost quite some sleep over it. But at the end of the day I am better off without her.
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If we lived close we would have fun I think. You know that I can relate. *hugs*
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We would honey, totally. And I knew that you’d understand exactly what I’m going through. Damn does this suck ass. *hugs*
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It does suck. But my mom was very wise when she said quality vs quantity. Hugs
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Our moms are super smart. 🙂
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They are and shit. 🙂
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You have to look out for you. Totally understand that.
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I do, and I know that, it still just kind of sucks. And I did get a ton of progress made on my presentation tonight. I still don’t feel like it’s done, 16 slides can’t possible carry me through the better part of 40 minutes, but it’s a lot farther along than when I started tonight.
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Always, always, take care of yourself first. No reason to do otherwise. I wouldn’t expect anyone to drop what they are doing for me.
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There have been a few things take place since I posted that that have only further cemented in my mind the “rightness” of that decision.
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