Mental in the Midwest

Monthly Archives: June 2015

quick picture post

30 Tuesday Jun 2015

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

building a life worth living, getting back my mojo, getting creative, goals, life, mental health, mental illness, motivation, normal, projects

2015-06-30 11.54.52That’s the black and white vest that plagued me for so long. It’s done and I wore it to work this morning. I was teaching a brand new class, my third of the summer, and wanted a little something to make me feel pretty. You can’t really see it but I also made the necklace and earrings I have on. Hopefully I’ll be back later with a slightly longer post. ❤

life worth living weekly update – June 29th

29 Monday Jun 2015

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

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Tags

28 day challenge, building a life worth living, DBT, getting creative, goals, health, stress management, taking charge of my finances

reach for the starsIf you’re just joining me for the first time, I’ve got a list of 10 Major Goals I want to accomplish before I turn 40 in 2016. That’s what I refer to as my Life Worth Living; it’s a DBT thing. If you don’t want to stay stuck where you’ve been in life, you have to figure out where you want to go and what it would take to truly make your life worth living.

Every week I do a Creative, Stress Management, Health, and Financial goal that tie back to my Building a Life Worth Living project. I’ve also added a Simplifying goal that ties into my plan to declutter my life this year. Bit by bit I’m reaching for the stars.

Update from last week:

The nicest thing I can say about last week is that it’s over. (I think I said that last week, too.)

Creative:  I need to start, and keep, cranking away at my 28 Day Challenge projects. I FINALLY finished the black and white vest and I did make good progress on the knit shrug.

Stress Management:  Continue walking on the treadmill as often as possible, at least 5 sessions of 25 minutes minimum. Nope. Because of the severe issues with my legs I only managed one time and only for 10 minutes.

Health: Back to working on a healthier diet. Tomorrow morning I’m trying the soaked chia seed breakfast again with some tweaks. I got the chia breakfast thing figured out and it’s amazing. My diet did some up and down things last week but I managed to lose one pound. So yay.

Financial:  I need to look at the budget again, closer, and see where I can make changes. I want to get things paid off. This didn’t happen because of all the medical shit with Josh. I simply didn’t have the energy or inclination.

Simplify:  I actually went through my printed patterns last night and got rid of the ones I knew I wouldn’t ever actually make. I think going through the craft supplies is probably my next stop. I don’t have too much excess of anything, except maybe yarn, but if nothing else it’ll refresh my memory of what I’ve got. I didn’t get rid of anything but I was able to straighten up the yarn storage and figure out what all I’ve got.

28daychallenge

 

The challenge is officially over and I officially did not do well. I’m going to keep plugging away at finishing the other two projects. I’m thinking the next time I do this sort of challenge that it’ll be just a little easier, like maybe not shopping for anything but groceries or something.

flower dividerGoals for this week:

Creative:  I want to finish the knit shrug.

Stress Management:  I really REALLY need to get back on the treadmill.

Health: Skin again. For some reason my hands are just trashed.

Financial:  Pay day is tomorrow, time to get serious.

Simplify:  ??? Not sure about this one this week.

 

so much to tell you

27 Saturday Jun 2015

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression, divorce, goals, health, life, limits, love, mental health, mental illness, moods, motivation, sick, skin conditions, stress

I’m not really even sure where to begin, which isn’t like me. So let’s see…

I did walk on Friday, only 10 minutes, but still. And my total for the week in terms of weight loss was one pound. I’ll take it.

Josh had the appointment with the cardiologist Friday afternoon. He almost certainly has blockages in his heart and his legs. On Monday he goes in for a scan of his legs and then on Wednesday they’ll do an angiogram. Not sure what they’ll find or when he’ll come home. I honestly don’t think it matters. He isn’t taking any of this seriously and I’ve decided I really don’t care. If he doesn’t love me enough to take care of himself then there’s no point in worrying about any of this.

Mom and I went shopping today, as per our usual Saturday morning fun. We did the big farmer’s market downtown, Kohl’s, Barnes & Noble, and Hallmark. She had some wicked good coupons at Kohl’s and gave them to me so I ended up with a swimming outfit for $1.06. It’s really workout shorts and a tank top that should be alright in the water and will cover the truly unsightly bits on my legs.

This afternoon I got the sewing done on the black and white vest. WOOT! I still need to trim the threads and clean up a few rough edges, but it’s essentially done. I am so fucking excited to see the ass end of that project. The knit shrug is coming along nicely as well, I’m thinking maybe tonight I’ll get to spend a little time with it. Although, maybe not, because…

MENTALTOASTER is a thing! My friend got the URL registered, WordPress is installed, and now we’re working on some final details and what it should look like. My intention is for it to be a positive place where anyone wanting to get or give support on nutritional/health type issues can go, particularly if that person also has mental health issues. I will definitely let y’all know when everything is live and ready to roll.

a proposal of sorts

26 Friday Jun 2015

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 15 Comments

Tags

getting healthy together, support group for diet and exercise

I’ve been trying to figure out how we handle this whole need for a support group online stuff. I have a very dear friend who has graciously offered to slice out a little space on her server, setup a wordpress theme on that space, and then act as our hostess. She says she can take care of posting info that folks pass along such as updates on progress, recipes, whatever. It would actually be good for her, keep her out of trouble so to speak. Also, the URL mentaltoaster.com is available and for some reason that strikes me as both hilarious and appropriate.

So, what do y’all think?

the (viscous and entirely rotten) cycle of mental health from the viewpoint of someone with bipolar and borderline

25 Thursday Jun 2015

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

anxiety, bipolar disorder, blog for mental health 2015, borderline personality disorder, getting healthy, health, life, limits, mental health, mental illness, moods, motivation, sick, skin conditions, sleep, stress, stress management

mental healthWow, doesn’t life just suck some turds sometimes? Honestly, things were going great in my little world and then BAM! All of a sudden I’ve quit smoking, the diet is really changing, and the old man may or may not have a serious heart condition. I feel little like I’ve been handled in a way which is sexually inappropriate and A) not offered adequate lubrication, and B) not been kissed afterwards.

This SUCKS.

And because my stress levels have rocketed through the ever-loving roof, my skin condition is flaring up. And my neck/shoulder muscles are tight again. And this afternoon my irritable bowels decided to be irritable.

Come on man, now this shit REALLY SUCKS.

But it’s like that for those of us living with a mental health condition. What effects our physical health will end up effecting our mental health, and the other way ’round. It’s like a two-fer that NO ONE WANTS. Or a buy one, get one sale on second-hand toothbrushes. Or… (insert your own icky metaphor here, and share in the comments please)

For me it’s all too easy to let the cycle get entirely out of control. Take for example this fine shitstain of a week. I haven’t walked yet at all. Not once. And the less I walk the harder it is to sleep. The harder it is to sleep, the harder it is to get up early enough to walk. You feel me, right? Dig it.

So the cycle has to stop, and I have to be the one to do it. Tomorrow morning, no matter how much I don’t want to or I hurt or I’m tired, I will be getting my fat little ass on that treadmill. (after I weigh myself) If I don’t, then the skin condition bullshit and the stress and the mental stuff, it all wins. And I am not spending my time on this little blue ball letting something other than me determine what wins.

10469839_10100653064131673_1356837661819024354_n

apparently I am truly not alone

24 Wednesday Jun 2015

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 27 Comments

Tags

getting healthy

Yesterday’s post garnered quite a bit of attention. Evidently I’m really not the only one who’s struggling with the losing weight/how to eat healthier thing. (no shit Sherlock!) So I’m thinking we start our own online support system.

My ultimate goal is to establish healthier eating habits and daily routines that will result in slow and steady weight loss and lead to overall better health. To that end I’ll be continuing to walk on the treadmill, use my Fitbit to track activity, and I’m aiming for pool time soon. On the diet front my goal is to lower my carb intake pretty drastically but not cut them out completely. I love my fruit and veg too much to give it all up completely.

I will happily share whatever tips and tricks I stumble across along the way, along with interesting recipes.

Should we name this? Do we need a special tag? Should we post progress updates or is that not a good idea?

I have no clue about this stuff so I need your input.

wherein Mama becomes the Blue Light Special at your local K-Mart

23 Tuesday Jun 2015

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

random shit that falls out of my brain, skin conditions, stress

Alright, not much time for a post tonight but I need to get something out because some of this is really just too interesting not to share.

The nice dermatologist PA dude said a low carb diet is the way to go with this shit. If the treatment he did today works as intended I shouldn’t need to have this done again for at least 3 months, and that’s good because he used a laser instead of just a light and it really rather fucking hurts. He also said that once the openings heal he wants me to start water aerobics again because, get this, chlorine pools are like taking a bleach bath and that’s totally awesome for this particular kind of bacterial nuisance.

Anyway, it does hurt a little. It’s kind of like if you crossed getting a tattoo with getting burned by bacon grease, at the same time, and on your inner thighs. Not something I want to do again any time soon.

So tonight we did Mama’s Last Supper. That’s where I sent Josh to Culver’s for a Reuben sandwich, fries, and sweet tea made with real sugar. I’m contemplating having dessert. Because tomorrow we are back on the low carb / mushy seed breakfast bandwagon.

2014-07-04 00.31.50

my tolerance for bullshit has reached an all-time low

22 Monday Jun 2015

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

anxiety, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, choices, DBT, drama free zone, family, health, life, limits, mental health, mental illness, moods, save the drama for yo mama, skin conditions, stress, the world is full of fucking idiots

frankYeah, Mondays suck. I’ve been trying my best to deal with the ridiculous quantities of bullshit going on right now and, honestly, I think I’m doing a fan-fucking-tastic job. But truly, a girl can only take so much at once.

Josh and I have both smoked what should be our last cigarettes. That happened yesterday. Remarkably it hasn’t been as hard as I remember quitting can be. Part of it is that it’s been hot as hell here lately. I hate smoking outside when it’s really hot, wet, windy, or cold. So basically there are like 6 weeks out of 52 that I find smoking outside tolerable in Nebraska.

Because of all the drama going on with Josh’s health I’ve been trying to take care of myself as best I can and not make a fuss about not really feeling great myself. I know it’s stress and that this stress will pass, I really do get that. But my skin crap is flaring up on both legs now and draining like that cheap old car we all had that leaked oil like some kind of freak mechanical miscarriage. It ain’t pretty in my special long-legged drawers right now kids, not pretty at all.

So I called the dermatologist’s office to get an appointment to try the phototherapy whatever. She’s on vacation this week so I’ll see her PA, her dude PA. Keep in mind that my problem area is my inner thighs, right up next to where all my junk is. The nurse explained that they’ll “paint” the area, let it sit (to give it time to think about what it’s done to me???), then I’ll sit under the light. The whole process is supposed to take about two hours. And then, get this, I cannot expose the affected area to sunlight for 48 hours. She told me that and I’m all, “honey, that part of this body hasn’t seen the actual light of day in YEARS.”

Oh sweet jezuz, what the fuck am I getting myself into now…

My appointment is at 12:30, if it runs 2 hours I’ll be done at 2:30. Josh’s appointment with the anesthesia people is at 3:30. I know where we’re going but he doesn’t and I’m not entirely sure how to work all of this because he and I will be coming from complete opposite sides of town. Righty-o.

10419532_797920800286281_1639443847583273959_nAlright, I’ve had my 15 minutes of bitching, time to suck it up and get on with kicking ass and taking names.

It’s certainly not a popular opinion that I hold, but I will tell you that it is my heart-felt belief that each of us is faced with choices every day and how we choose shapes the remainder of our days. I said something to this effect to someone the other day and was met with utter resistance. I was told that I couldn’t possibly say that everyone can choose.

I’m here to tell you that they can and they do. There are no excuses. Maybe you aren’t in a state of mind to make a reasonable choice today but I would suggest that it likely has to do with a choice you made on a different day. And don’t for one minute think that not making a choice gets your ass off the hook. Not choosing is a form of choosing, rather a coward’s way.

2015-03-19 23.02.28I’m choosing not to put up with whiny ass bullshit drama anymore. I have better things to do with my time.

life worth living weekly update – June 21st

21 Sunday Jun 2015

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

28 day challenge, building a life worth living, DBT, getting creative, goals, health, stress management, taking charge of my finances

reach for the starsIf you’re just joining me for the first time, I’ve got a list of 10 Major Goals I want to accomplish before I turn 40 in 2016. That’s what I refer to as my Life Worth Living; it’s a DBT thing. If you don’t want to stay stuck where you’ve been in life, you have to figure out where you want to go and what it would take to truly make your life worth living.

Every week I do a Creative, Stress Management, Health, and Financial goal that tie back to my Building a Life Worth Living project. I’ve also added a Simplifying goal that ties into my plan to declutter my life this year. Bit by bit I’m reaching for the stars.

Update from last week:

The nicest thing I can say about last week is that it’s over.

Creative:  I need to start, and keep, cranking away at my 28 Day Challenge projects. There was some progress made. See below.

Stress Management:  Continue walking on the treadmill as often as possible, at least 5 sessions of 25 minutes minimum. Didn’t go as well as I wanted it to so this goes back on the list. Again.

Health: Skin care (hands, feet, and now my face – yes, I bought moisturizer finally), new crud for my hair, and back to eating healthier. We took a trip to the farmer’s market yesterday morning and I’ve got some great veggies to keep me company. Mostly good with this one, though not entirely. I did manage to lose weight last week, which was a damn miracle. Still working on a balance.

Financial:  I need to get my spending under control. Seriously. It’s really hard to spend what you just don’t have. I did take the time to go over our budget and print a copy.

Simplify:  Even if I don’t manage to get rid of anything, the closet needs some love. This actually happened almost immediately after I posted last week. We didn’t get rid of much but Josh did manage to move most of his winter stuff in his cedar chest to free up some room in there.

28daychallenge

I made great progress on the knit shrug last week, as evidenced by the one pic I shared. I need to bind off that sleeve and then start the other half. I had the kid frog the crocheted vest yesterday. It was sad, but it needed to happen. There was no fucking way to salvage that damn thing.

I have yet to get back to the black and white vest and I still haven’t touched the dragon cross stitch. I honestly don’t think there’s any hope in hell of getting this all done in time.

flower dividerGoals for this week:

Staying out of prison is a legit goal, right?

Creative:  I need to start, and keep, cranking away at my 28 Day Challenge projects. This is rolling over from last week, AGAIN. Sweet Ceiling Cat am I tired of this bullshit…

Stress Management:  Continue walking on the treadmill as often as possible, at least 5 sessions of 25 minutes minimum.

Health: Back to working on a healthier diet. Tomorrow morning I’m trying the soaked chia seed breakfast again with some tweaks.

Financial:  I need to look at the budget again, closer, and see where I can make changes. I want to get things paid off.

Simplify:  I actually went through my printed patterns last night and got rid of the ones I knew I wouldn’t ever actually make. I think going through the craft supplies is probably my next stop. I don’t have too much excess of anything, except maybe yarn, but if nothing else it’ll refresh my memory of what I’ve got.

 

a glimpse of friday

20 Saturday Jun 2015

Posted by Kat in Uncategorized

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

anxiety, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, cat watching television, cleaning is a coping skill, Elsa riding a T-rex, family, kids, life, love, mental health, mental illness, moods, motivation, nothing like nieces, stress

I took yesterday off work (mostly) so that I could get a few things done before the kid comes this weekend and so that I could spend the afternoon with my nieces. Thursday night I was kind of strung out from all the medical shit going on so I fell back on one of my favorite coping skills – cleaning. Between Thursday late evening and this morning I’ve managed to get all of this shit done.

  • All 3 bathrooms cleaned (in all fairness only 1 is a full bath)
  • I brewed my coffee for iced coffees next week
  • Cleaned out and organized both fridges
  • Did 2 loads of laundry
  • Changed the sheets and made the bed
  • Watered the plants
  • Refilled my pill trays, all 3 of them (those are just mine, Josh has 3 of his own)
  • Emptied the cat box, 2x
  • Finished putting together my binders of printed patterns – I had started that project Thursday night
  • Shredded some paper crap that came out of the file drawer – weeded the drawer out Thursday night as well
  • Revised/updated a budget I started ages ago and printed it so that Josh and I can go over it this weekend
  • Ran to the one grocery store with Mom
Aunt Erin and E, my 7 year old niece, playing dolls

Aunt Erin and E, my 7 year old niece, playing dolls

at some point a T-rex got involved

at some point a T-rex got involved

at the end of a long day it's nice to relax with a little TV

at the end of a long day it’s nice to relax with a little TV

The most exciting news yesterday is that, somehow, I lost 3.5lbs. I’m quite pleased with that and I’m going to credit eating that bowl of mushy seeds and then damn near shitting myself to death with my success. So yay.

This morning Mom and I will be running to the farmer’s market and one other store, and then I believe we’re going to try to finish getting the house stuff taken care of. There’s truly no rest for the wicked.

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