Tags
anxiety, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, choices, DBT, drama free zone, family, health, life, limits, mental health, mental illness, moods, save the drama for yo mama, skin conditions, stress, the world is full of fucking idiots
Yeah, Mondays suck. I’ve been trying my best to deal with the ridiculous quantities of bullshit going on right now and, honestly, I think I’m doing a fan-fucking-tastic job. But truly, a girl can only take so much at once.
Josh and I have both smoked what should be our last cigarettes. That happened yesterday. Remarkably it hasn’t been as hard as I remember quitting can be. Part of it is that it’s been hot as hell here lately. I hate smoking outside when it’s really hot, wet, windy, or cold. So basically there are like 6 weeks out of 52 that I find smoking outside tolerable in Nebraska.
Because of all the drama going on with Josh’s health I’ve been trying to take care of myself as best I can and not make a fuss about not really feeling great myself. I know it’s stress and that this stress will pass, I really do get that. But my skin crap is flaring up on both legs now and draining like that cheap old car we all had that leaked oil like some kind of freak mechanical miscarriage. It ain’t pretty in my special long-legged drawers right now kids, not pretty at all.
So I called the dermatologist’s office to get an appointment to try the phototherapy whatever. She’s on vacation this week so I’ll see her PA, her dude PA. Keep in mind that my problem area is my inner thighs, right up next to where all my junk is. The nurse explained that they’ll “paint” the area, let it sit (to give it time to think about what it’s done to me???), then I’ll sit under the light. The whole process is supposed to take about two hours. And then, get this, I cannot expose the affected area to sunlight for 48 hours. She told me that and I’m all, “honey, that part of this body hasn’t seen the actual light of day in YEARS.”
Oh sweet jezuz, what the fuck am I getting myself into now…
My appointment is at 12:30, if it runs 2 hours I’ll be done at 2:30. Josh’s appointment with the anesthesia people is at 3:30. I know where we’re going but he doesn’t and I’m not entirely sure how to work all of this because he and I will be coming from complete opposite sides of town. Righty-o.
Alright, I’ve had my 15 minutes of bitching, time to suck it up and get on with kicking ass and taking names.
It’s certainly not a popular opinion that I hold, but I will tell you that it is my heart-felt belief that each of us is faced with choices every day and how we choose shapes the remainder of our days. I said something to this effect to someone the other day and was met with utter resistance. I was told that I couldn’t possibly say that everyone can choose.
I’m here to tell you that they can and they do. There are no excuses. Maybe you aren’t in a state of mind to make a reasonable choice today but I would suggest that it likely has to do with a choice you made on a different day. And don’t for one minute think that not making a choice gets your ass off the hook. Not choosing is a form of choosing, rather a coward’s way.
I’m choosing not to put up with whiny ass bullshit drama anymore. I have better things to do with my time.
JackieP said:
I agree about the choices thing. Also, good luck with your treatment!
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Mental Mama said:
Thanks! I’m nervous, but not, if that makes sense. It doesn’t sound the least bit painful or unpleasant really, but 2 hours in a doc’s office? Geesh…
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JackieP said:
Yeah, that’s a long time to be in a dr’s office. 😦 But you’ll find something to do I”m sure, even if its to just relax and day dream. 😉
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Mental Mama said:
I brought a book with me (GASP!) I just have no idea if this will be the kind of situation where I’ll be able to read or not. I figured it would be best to be prepared though. 🙂
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evilsquirrel13 said:
“If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice” – Rush
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Mental Mama said:
Gotta love Rush. 🙂
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easyweimaraner said:
I cross my fingers and I send you a lot of good karma for the smoking-thing. I so agree, it sucks to smoke a cigarette in the puring rain and if we can manage to smoke only outside we maybe can stop this expensive hobby forever…
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Mental Mama said:
So far I still haven’t had any since around lunch time on Sunday. Sometimes have been harder than others.
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Not Quite Alice said:
You can bitch to me anytime. That’s what I’m here for hun. Huggles. I love you.
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Mental Mama said:
Thanks sweetie, love you too! I’ve missed our chats on FB lately, but that damn work stuff needs to be tended to.
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Not Quite Alice said:
I understand. Work is crazy here as well. I hate new release time.
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garym6059 said:
Good luck at the dermatologist.
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Mental Mama said:
Thanks. I’ll try to post an update tonight. 🙂
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NotAPunkRocker said:
I think I needed that butt-kicking, today more than ever. Thank you for that.
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Mental Mama said:
Happy to help. ❤
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The Indecisive Eejit said:
I like that quote.
Poor you and all that shit, if I could I would send you wellies so you can wade on.
Good luck getting the thighs tickled, here’s hoping it helps x
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Mental Mama said:
Thanks sweetie, I’m about ready for some hip-waders at this point. 😉
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