bipolar disorder, divorce, family, hormones, kids, life, limits, mental health, mental illness, moods, random shit that falls out of my brain, sex, sleep, stress, the world is full of fucking idiots
When I was a younger person I really looked forward to the weekends. Time away from school, then time away from work, time to party, time to catch up on rest…
Now, not so much.
Two weekends a month it’s just us – me and Mom and Josh. Those weekends aren’t bad usually. We run some errands, pick up the house, take care of the laundry, cook food that requires more than just heating up – good things.
But the other two weekends we have that infernal child and I’d really rather have dental work done without Novocaine.
A few minutes ago I got an email from the ex. Apparently the brat has homework that’s to be done every fucking day – reading and math. She’s getting terrible grades in math because she’s slow at it. No clue what’s going on with her reading, it kind of sounds like this is something all of the kids have to do. But since it’s “ever day” she’ll be having to do it while she’s with us this weekend.
I really don’t care. I’ve got my own homework to do and my own things around the house to do and it sounds like Mom and I might go shopping a bit. As far as I’m concerned, she and Josh can just do whatever the hell they want – I want no part of it.
It frustrates me to no end that Josh can admit to me that he doesn’t want her coming over anymore, yet he won’t say anything to anyone else. He thinks people will think he’s a terrible father. Dude, you’re not a “father” at all – you were a damn sperm donor!
Here’s how this works – if you aren’t fully prepared to be tethered to another human being for a MINIMUM of 18 years, you shouldn’t fucking reproduce. Because of the brat he’ll have to deal with the ex until she’s 18. And the brat herself will likely be in his life the rest of the time he’s on this planet, assuming of course he doesn’t find some way to completely fuck up and she walks away from him.
But Josh had no business having kids. He and his ex were almost entirely irresponsible when the brat was born and they were both 30 already. His parents divorced when he was 7 and neither were ever good to him. His step parents weren’t good to him. He never had any good role models for what parents are supposed to be like. He just figured that kids were a good idea and the only way the ex would have kids was to get married, so they got married and within weeks they found out she was pregnant. And within a year they got divorced.
The brat has never been cognizant of what it was like to have her mother and father live together. Think about that for a minute. Of course, up until the last year or so, she never knew her father sober.
Some people have NO BUSINESS breeding.
I was one of them. I can’t hardly take care of myself sometimes. I don’t like to pay my bills, I sometimes don’t want to eat, I’d rather hide out in my own little world than face reality. Me, a mommy? Fuck no. So as soon as I got diagnosed, and had a “legitimate” reason, I had my tubes tied. And then as soon as I had to come off the pill to control my cycles because I was old and liked to smoke, I had a partial hysterectomy. No babies coming out of here.
I LOVE being an aunt. The girls come over, we do stuff, we have sleep overs – and then they go home. Grandma and Mommy can deal with temper tantrums and school work and not wanting to go to bed. That ain’t my thing.
Where the hell was I going with all this?
Here’s hoping I get through this one unscathed.