happy happy joy joy

Tags

divorce, family, friends, getting creative, life, limits, mental health, money, moods, stress

What a wonderful week it’s been! (no, oddly enough, that is NOT sarcasm)

Here’s a quick break down of what all has gone on, just in case you’ve been in a cave:

• got all of Josh’s stuff (well, at least 95%) moved out to the garage; he came and got a little more yesterday
• the divorce papers got ordered and delivered, I just need to take some stuff to a notary and sign them and then find time to get down to the court house to file
• the title for the Honda came and it will be sold, one way or another, TODAY
• me, who does not wear dresses as a rule, purchased 2 new dresses this week
• Mom and I saw “Inside Out” yesterday; lovely flick but definitely not a kid movie in my mind
• Mom helped me do a quick detail job on the Jeep and it looks tons better
• we went to 2 bead stores and a yarn shop
• I actually have strawberries on my plants in the garden and I’ve eaten 2 of them!!!
• we’re going to a bridal shower for my cousin today, should be fun
• I made myself new fridge magnets

That’s about it I guess. I’ve had a good time being off work but I’m pretty well ready to go back. I just hope I’m able to. I have to call tomorrow night to see if my group has been selected to actually report for jury duty Monday morning. I know it’s really not a big deal but I have a ton of stuff to do at work and I’d really like to just get back to it.

and this is why Mama is not allowed time off work very often

Tags

anxiety, bipolar disorder, divorce, family, life, mental health, mental illness, money, skin conditions, sleep, stress, taking charge of my finances

Have I ever mentioned how much I love to shop? It really doesn’t fit with the whole minimalist thing I’m trying to embrace, I realize that. But I love a good deal. And shiny things.

Part of this whole transition to singleness has involved making over bits of my living space. I felt that I had to really make this area MINE in order to live happily down here. A lot of what I did was remove things, put my things that had been tucked away in a more prominent place, move things around – you get the idea. But I’ve done some shopping, too. And I’ve realized something…

it is entirely different shopping for myself now as an independent single woman than it was shopping for myself as his wife.

Seems a little odd, but it’s true. And I don’t know that I can explain it. So I won’t even try.

Anyway, Mom and I took Grandma shopping yesterday to get a dress for my cousin’s wedding and I scored a great dress.

It’s absolutely stunning and it looks really good on. And it was $9.99. So yeah, I’ve been doing more shopping lately, but I still shop the sales.

Fortunately my sleep situation seems to be truly sorted out. I slept nearly 8 hours last night which is phenomenal. I ate like shit yesterday but I’m hoping since it was a one time kind of thing that it won’t cause any problems. And sadly my right leg has two new lesions that are draining and irritating me. I think part of that issue is different activities lately and me not being properly attired for them.

I’m going to see T-bone this morning. I had set this appointment up when I was in there last time, mostly just thinking since I’d be on vacation it would be a good idea. I’m thinking he’ll be quiet pleasantly surprised to hear about what’s been happening.

top 10 Tuesday – mental health style

Tags

alcohol, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, depression, family, friends, life, love, meds, mental health, mental illness, money, moods, motivation, sick, stress, top 10 tuesday

I haven’t done a Top 10 Tuesday in awhile now, and I realized that it’s high past time. So, for today’s Mental Health style list I present for you my Top 10 Stupid Things I Did While Manic.

1. Had an affair with my husband’s best friend.
2. Bought an Infinity G35 for a guy I had met once.
3. Moved in with a guy I met in the Special Care Ward.
4. Had that schmuck’s name tattooed on my back.
5. Racked up $20k in credit card debt buying random crap. (I don’t have any of it anymore)
6. Became obsessed with a guy who lived in a different country and when shit didn’t go good with him I OD’d.
7. Pushed away damn near everyone who cared about me.
8. Had sex with any guy who was even remotely nice to me because in my mind (back then) sex = love.
9. Drank so much I honestly pickled my liver. (it has since recovered)
10. Made a 2 hour round trip twice a week for several weeks to visit another schmuck who was in the regional mental health facility. I was his chewing tobacco mule.

My life has not always been glorious or glamorous or even all that worth living. But I’ve been working on all of this for quite a while now, at least 5 years, and life is dramatically different. The majority of my debt these days is student loans from my Master’s degree. The name got covered up. The car got sold. I have a group of people who love me and, for some unknown reason, continue to put up with my bullshit.

All of that to say this…

Just because life sucks today doesn’t mean it will still suck tomorrow. Hang in there, keep fighting, keep pushing, you can totally do this. You will totally do this. I believe in you.

she’s baaaaaack!

Tags

life, love, meds, mental health, money, moods, motivation, school, sleep

It’s currently WTF-o’clock and I am wide awake. I’ve actually been up since about 4:30 local time. I had to pee, then I got Josh to snuggle, then I realized that I was not actually going to fall asleep so why not take advantage of some found quiet time. Since I’ve been up I have:

• Paid all the bills that were sitting here, both the online ones and the paper ones
• Played the feather game with Evie
• Shuffled money around online between bank accounts
• Ordered the ottoman I wanted from Amazon; the fabric is not my first choice but that’s easy enough to fix
• Took my antibiotic so that hopefully I can get the whole “I feel like my insides are going to explode” feeling over with before I go to work
• Sorted and filed all of the miscellaneous shit in the mail rack

Not bad for about an hour’s worth of work.

So anyway, the presentation for class yesterday went really well. I was not at all prepared when I got to work but by the time I left for class I had everything as ready as I could. They seemed to really enjoy the origami activity I had prepared and the graphic designer kept nodding her head in agreement while I was doing the short lecture portion. I haven’t actually looked at the evaluations from my classmates yet, but I’m like that when I teach a real class. Even if I know it went well I just can’t bring myself to be open to any kind of criticism for a day or so. But I know what all I have left to do now to wrap things up and I don’t feel like that should be a problem.

This afternoon I’m meeting with my adviser to hopefully find out what, if anything, I still need to do to complete this certificate. I know I’ll need to finish my portfolio but once I have everything from this class written up I’ll be able to do that. The big question yet is about the required class swap. It’s tying me up in knots not knowing that’s going on. I honestly think she should have at least given me some kind of indication in her email but that’s not her style I guess. I will be incredibly relieved to be done with this so that my potential interactions with her will go back to being absolutely minimal.

Things with Josh seem to be getting better. I realized that neither of us has been making the other a priority lately. We’ve been doing our own separate things and not really spending much time together reconnecting. Hopefully that will continue to get better. We also need to work on how we communicate. We’ve been jumping to the absolute worst assumption any time the other says something that could be taken two different ways. So hopefully we’ll put in some effort and things really will get better.

the year of simplifying – an update

Tags

get rid of clutter, goals, life, limits, money, motivation, projects, simplifying

We’re now entering the third month of my Year of Simplifying thingy. I must say, I kind of suck at this.

1. Fix things whenever possible instead of replacing – not everything has to be perfect – ugly but functional is just fine Yes, we do this, a lot.
2. Purging is not done to make room for new/different crap Do Lego mini-figs count?
3. If something new comes in, something old must leave I’m trying, honestly I am.
4. I will get a $25 monthly allowance that can be used for anything not deemed essential and/or otherwise already in the budget – can be saved to go towards a larger future purchase I am SO not doing well with this, though the bills are getting paid, so I guess it’s all good?
5. I will look into ways to increase my Redbubble sales Hm, like maybe open a Cafe Press store?
6. I will look for other easy ways to bring in additional income Oh wait…
7. I will not buy any new clothes (except underwear as necessary) I have bought some new underwear, and a bra, and two t-shirts for work, and a pair of purple capri yoga pants…
8. I will not buy any new shoes (except one pair of inexpensive flip flops – less than $15) Finally, something I’m doing ok with!

Anyway, I have been doing really well with the whole de-clutter / get rid of shit I don’t use / in general clean crap out part. But seriously, I need a ruling here – do the mini-figs count or what?

sing along with Mama

Tags

alcohol, friends, getting creative, life, limits, meds, money, motivation, random shit that falls out of my brain, school

Tonight was Mexican night. I made chicken enchiladas and we finished off a bottle of margaritas. Jose is not much of a friend right now. But I thought I’d pop in with a tiny update.

Voila, the finished drawing. I’m pleased with how it came out. It will be uploaded soon to both Redbubble and Cafe Press.

This is technically the 4th new design this month which means my 28 Day Challenge was quite the success. I was very happy that the challenge gave me a kick in the ass to finally get everything setup on Cafe Press. I’m also quite pleased that I seem to be able to do a new design about once a week.

I ordered my birthday present this afternoon. I’m getting the Dressed to Kill skull design on a purple t-shirt from Redbubble. I thought that would be most fitting for me. Josh got me two new Lego mini-figs last night on his way home from school. And when I got to work this morning, Miss K had brought this for me…

She went to the Lego store in KC and put this little gal together just for me. She’s awesome.

There’s still much homework to be done in addition to all of the normal weekend crud, so I should probably go find myself some pills and call it a night.

much to do

Tags

bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, building a life worth living, family, getting creative, goals, kids, life, love, mental health, mental illness, money, moods, motivation, projects, school, sleep, stress, work

It’s been a long day already and it’s not over yet. My work day, shorter on Fridays, is about over but I still have much to do when I get home. I want to try to get as much of the housework done this afternoon/evening as possible since the kid is coming this weekend. Since my back is still tender (no available appointments with the chiropractor until Monday morning) I’ll be having to pass off some of the chores to Josh. I don’t think he’ll mind too much.

I also have my homework to do and the continued 28 day challenge tasks. Fortunately I’m a bit ahead of schedule with the challenge so I feel good about that. And while I was enjoying the “official” snow day on Wednesday I found and printed many more articles to use for my school project. The big push now is to get 6 chapters read in the text and then take an online quiz before class on Tuesday.

It’s been a very productive week, all in all. Because of the two days away from work I’ve gotten more of my personal things done than I thought I would. I’ve done exceptionally well with my Life Worth Living Goals. I even started reading the new book I got a few weeks ago last night and made excellent progress. I’ll do my full report on Sunday probably, but I’m quite happy with how things have gone.

Next week is going to be super busy. I’ll see the chiro cutie Monday morning, shrinky-poo in the afternoon, big meeting at work in the middle of the day, class on Tuesday, two meetings on Wednesday, doc appointment and hair cut Thursday night, and then Friday Mom and I are on vacation together. Whew! I need to try to stay on top of all of this.

this has nothing to do with anything, I just think it’s cool

share your world – week 5 PLUS bonus crap you don’t care about anyway

Tags

28 day challenge, anxiety, art, drawing, getting creative, I am a big kid, Lego, money, motivation, no job is worth dying for, projects, share your world, shopping, snow days, work

Here are Cee’s Share Your World questions for week 5:

Do you prefer shopping or going to a park?

It depends. Grocery shopping on a budget sucks, but shopping for craft/art supplies or gifts does not provided you don’t have to stick to a tight budget. Also, I enjoy parks when the weather is nice. The great outdoors isn’t so great here right now.

If you were a shoe, what kind would you be and why?

Oh this is easy! I would be a Birkenstock sandal, purple suede Arizona style to be exact. I wear my Birks as much of the year as possible. Having large wide feet really makes you appreciate a well-made shoe.

What’s the story behind a time when you got locked out?

The one and only time I’ve ever locked myself out of a house was when I lived in my great-grandmother’s house with a roommate. There was a screened in front porch that had a locking storm door that I didn’t realize she had locked. Fortunately the basement had small windows and one of those wasn’t locked. Nothing like crawling in through your own window.

Do you prefer eating foods with nuts or no nuts?

I prefer that Josh keep his pants on while I’m eating. 😉 Again, kind of depends on the food but most of the time I enjoy nuts.

Now for the bonus bits…

While running the errands on Saturday, Josh and I ended up at Target. That place is totally my undoing. Most of what we picked up was stuff we needed, but I just had to check out the Legos in the toy section. And I came home with a mini-fig. Wanna see?

I came across the idea of using mini-figs to hold charging cables on Pinterest. When I opened my pouch and saw this little fellow I knew instantly that he was just the man for the job. I’ve attached him to my desk using poster putty and so far it’s working quite well.

I’ve also been working hard on my 28 day challenge. I was able to finish removing the backgrounds from the remaining designs this morning. I also started two new designs last night after I shut down the electronics. This is what they looked like when I resumed work this morning.

I had originally intended this to be a single design, but I really just don’t think they look like they belong together. So I finished the outlining and then did a scan with no color so that I could play with manipulating them digitally. I’m still going to finish the color by hand with my pencils, which means I’ll have to scan and separate them digitally again, but I want to see if I can get a satisfactory result if I do color through the software.

And lastly…

I am taking a self-proclaimed snow day. We got something like 8″ of snow on top of some freezing rain over the weekend and I just turn into a total bundle of nerves when I have to drive in this shit. I’ve got a fuck-ton of vacation time on the books and nothing scheduled for today, so I’m still sitting here in jammies. I plan to get ahead with my school reading and get a few bonus chores done today on top of coloring the drawings. Since I don’t ever have sick kids to use as an excuse to miss work this is how I make up for it.

end of January update

Tags

building a life worth living, getting creative, goals, life, money, moods, motivation, projects, random shit that falls out of my brain, sick, stress

I feel like garbage this morning, so if this makes no sense, blame the snot. I’m trying really hard not to throw up my meds.

A while back, December I think, I did an update on my Life Worth Living goals in which I let y’all in on how things were really going. One of the things I had decided was to add in this subset of goals/rules:

1. Fix things whenever possible instead of replacing – not everything has to be perfect – ugly but functional is just fine
2. Purging is not done to make room for new/different crap
3. If something new comes in, something old must leave
4. I will get a $25 monthly allowance that can be used for anything not deemed essential and/or otherwise already in the budget – can be saved to go towards a larger future purchase
5. I will look into ways to increase my Redbubble sales
6. I will look for other easy ways to bring in additional income
7. I will not buy any new clothes (except underwear as necessary)
8. I will not buy any new shoes (except one pair of inexpensive flip flops – less than $15)

I must say, not doing so well with this. I got new books last weekend and nothing old left and last night when Josh and I went to Sam’s Club I got a pair of purple capri pants. Both of these also violate the whole idea of having an allowance because I had already spent January’s money as well as February’s. In summation, I suck.

Moving on…

Deborah at Container Chronicles is doing a daily challenge for February that sounds amazing. It’s free-form so you can totally customize it for your own needs. The essence is that you take some larger project or goal and break it down into hour-long pieces that you do one of each of the 28 days of February. On Fridays you post an update and then on the 28th, we celebrate. Head over to her blog for the full details. I definitely want to do this, I just need to decide which project to focus on. Maybe setting up the Cafe Press store once and for all…

now let’s take a brief pause to hear from our sponsors

Tags

bipolar disorder, building a life worth living, getting creative, goals, kids, life, mental health, mental illness, money, moods, motivation, projects, random shit that falls out of my brain, sleep, stress, the world is full of fucking idiots

I think I mentioned earlier in the week that I’ve been having a wee bit of trouble with sleeping again. I don’t have too much trouble getting to sleep, but I wake up REALLY FUCKING EARLY. Sorry about that, but it happened again this morning. And since Josh goes to class on Thursday nights right now, I don’t get to sleep properly then and so to not fall asleep until close to 23:00 and then wake full up at 3:30 is just rather more than I can deal with right now.

So I got up and started fucking about with my drawings. I realized that since they start on paper and get scanned, they all have white backgrounds. Totally fine for cards and bags and posters and what not, but not so fine for a shirt in any color other than white. Slowly but surely I’m going through and removing the backgrounds from the digital images.

But before I embarked on that exciting journey I took care of one of my goals for the week by paying my bills. I’m being just a tiny bit devious this month. Josh got his student loan disbursement last week which means he’s actually flush right now, so I’m making him pay his own fucking medical bills this time. I paid all of my bills, plus the household bills that I take care of, plus the cat licenses, plus renewed my driver’s license, put $100 into savings, made a $500 payment on the not-car loan and a $250 payment on my one and only credit card, already mentally subtracted the two bills that will be automatically withdrawn later this month, spent my February allowance (pay it forward kids!), and paid Mom. The best part is that if I continue to be responsible with my money like this, I’ll be out of debt (except to Mom and the student loan vampires but including having the Honda paid off!) before the end of the year. That makes me so incredibly fucking happy, you just can’t imagine.

Anyway, I’m hoping that today stays this productive. I’ve got a lot I really want to get done and even more that absolutely must get done. Not having the kid this weekend will help. Oh, an update on that – Josh’s ex says the kid doesn’t have any new bites and the exterminator they called out wasn’t able to find any evidence that they really had an infestation. I’m glad, but I’m also kind of pissed that she scared the hell out of all of us for no damn reason.