To Whom it Concerns,
I’m not sure you’ve noticed, but I’m trying to get my life back in order these days. I’m trying to do a better job of taking my meds like I’m supposed to, eating right, not drinking alcohol, and just in general maintaining a more positive outlook as often as I can. I know, I can’t cure my mental illness with a sunny disposition and sometimes I still like to whine about how I don’t feel good. But I’m trying.
And I’m not sure you’ve noticed any of this because you seem to be really wrapped up in yourself lately. I know, your issues are a lot more important than mine, or anyone elses really. You talk about them, all of them, often enough that I know how serious your life is and just how much worse you have it than everyone.
I used to feel really bad for you. I mean, you had this incredible amount of baggage that you were always lugging around and dragging out any time someone new came around. How terrible it must be for you.
And then I remembered something – my life hasn’t always been great either. In fact, I don’t know anyone who’s life has consistently been perfect for any length of time. The people who try to tell you how perfect their shit is are filthy fucking liars.
But no, that’s not you. You want everyone to know all about how bad things are for you and how bad things have always been for you. People have always been meaner, your family has always shit on you more, you’ve been poorer, your pains have always been worse.
Only I don’t think that’s really true either, is it?
I’m not really interested in opening myself to yet another dialogue that’s really just you delivering a monologue which allows pauses for me to say things like, “wow, that must suck” or “damn, are you serious?” or “how on earth do you find the strength to go on?”
Because honestly, I know the answer to that last question now, and it makes me throw up in my mouth just a little.
You won’t be seeing me around anymore, not on purpose anyway. I’m learning that if I want to feel better and have that positive outlook, I need to surround myself with people who also want to feel better and have a positive outlook – not people who thrive on drama and negativity. And it’s sad, I’ve stuck it out this long because I kept thinking that if I could just figure out how to be a better friend and more positive influence for you that things in your life would get better. Now I know that they’ll only get better when you want them to get better and are willing to actually start doing the work required to make that happen.
And how can you do that when the monster you’ve become lives to constantly be the center of attention?
This blog I have, it’s my little corner of the internet. I try to make people laugh a little, I try to share the knowledge I have, and I do my best to help a little in any way I can. I’ve always wanted this to be enjoyable, for all of us. And honestly, you’re ruining that.
In the past when something like this has happened I’ve just shut things down, come up with a new name, and setup shop as a “new” blogger. That meant establishing my persona all over again and trying to cultivate a new group of friends. All because of one unpleasant person.
I’m not doing that again, not ever.
This is where Mama lives now and this is where I’ll be staying. I’d like you to please leave. Now. And don’t come back.