an open letter to E, on her 7th birthday

Tags

family, grateful, love, nano poblano, team pepper

I remember the day you were born. We had all been waiting so eagerly to finally meet you. It was cold that morning. Your momma wasn’t doing well with being pregnant and they had to get you out fast. Grandma wouldn’t let me come to the hospital until she knew you were ok. You were beautiful, and perfect, and you let me hold you. I loved you from the minute I laid eyes on you.

I remember when you were 6 months old, how you cried constantly. The doctors finally figured out that your skull had fused too soon. They operated and fixed it, and they shaved your beautiful curls. We didn’t know how much damage had been done. But you bounced back right away and you hardly cried at all after that.

You were the most beautiful child, you still are. So sweet and so smart and so into everything. You were my best little buddy. And every time I saw you I fell in love all over again.

You’re growing up into a smart and talented girl. You do things now that I’ve never been able to do. You’re kind and funny and you have a great sense of who you want to be.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that there’s something you can’t do or that you’re not good enough. You can do anything and be anything and go anywhere you want. And I will be right there cheering you on.

I love you with all my heart Baby Bear, and I always will.

Love,

Aunt Erin

 

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attitude of gratitude

Tags

goals, grateful, gratitude

Don’t get too excited, this is just my list of the good stuff that happened last week. I decided that it deserves a post of it’s own. Plus, my Building Rome posts were getting really long. And, I missed this rose.

• 7/14 wore the butterfly shirt Josh and the kid got me, many compliments
• 7/15 Josh got a 95% on his midterm, I wrote my first poem in MANY years
• 7/16 new jammie pants from Mom
• 7/17 girls’ night with Mom
• 7/18 finally figured out who’s cage to rattle about getting Josh’s financial aid taken care of
• 7/19 found a plethora of forgotten treasures during the great “under the stairs clean-out adventure”
• 7/20 redecorated the basement without spending a dime by rearranging and reusing things I already had

What made you happy this past week?

 

oh what a glorious day!

Tags

grateful, life, love

Wow I’m tired, but in that good “holy shit I’ve done a lot of stuff today” kind of way.  I’ve made 2 batches of tea – one for today and one for tomorrow – I vacuumed, cleaned up the shoe pile, took care of the yarn, ran 2 loads of laundry and the 3rd is in the washer, and I went shopping with my mom again.  It’s been a busy day but a very good one.  Josh and I have been getting along and I’m looking forward to spending some time with him later.  Tonight I need to help my mom redo the nutcracker display and I’m helping cook dinner.  We’re having grilled salmon, acorn squash, baked baby red potatoes, and broccoli with cheese sauce.  Grandma will be here tonight so we’re trying to make things she’d like.  As soon as Josh gets home we have to leave to go pick my uncle up from the airport.  Yes, busy day.

Getting ready for the holiday I’ve been spending a little time thinking about what Thanksgiving really means.  It’s traditionally a day set aside to give thanks for all of our blessings.  Y’all know by now that I’m not exactly a religious person, but I am a thankful person.  I try to always show my appreciation when people are good to me.  So here’s some things I’ll be thankful for, tomorrow and every day.

• My mom – without her constant love and support (and regularly scheduled ass kickings) I would not be the person I am today.  She always told me when I was a kid that I could be anything I wanted to be and that I had the power to make my own happiness.  She has always believed in me, and without that, I wouldn’t be here today.  I love you Mom.
• My Josh – he is, without a doubt, the world’s biggest pain in the ass.  But he loves me, and he does his best to take care of me (most of the time), and he puts up with my peculiar brand of bullshit better than anyone.  I love him.
• My feline companion, Evie Cat – she was my dad’s cat and now she’s mine.  She’s annoying as fuck, what with the shedding and ass licking right in the middle of my bed, but I wouldn’t trade her in for anything.  Ok, maybe a pony.
• My bestest friend Gemma – she probably doesn’t realize just how much she means to me.  There are days when I would quite literally be lost without her guidance.  I can tell her anything and not fear judgement.  And of all the people I feel comfortable around who are not related by blood, I’m most likely to be my true self around her.  Everyone should have a friend as wonderful as Gemma.
• My job – much as I hate having to get up at the ass crack of dawn and go anywhere, I’d be lost without that place.  I love 90% of what I do, and I think that’s pretty amazing.  I get to help people every single day and there are few things that make me happier.
• My medical team – shrinky-poo, T-bone, my GYN, and my GP.  They all do their part to make sure that I’m a (fairly) well adjusted and healthy human being.  Each of them goes out of their way to take care of me and I am eternally grateful for that.
• My blogging buddies – you know who you are.  I love being a little tiny part of your world just like you’re a part of my world.  I love that we’re all struggling together and that we can share our triumphs together.  Misery loves company and I really do love y’all.
• And last, but not least, all of the random strangers I encounter every day who take the time to do or say something nice to me.  Those random guys who hold the door, the gals who smile and say hello when it would be just as easy to walk by quietly, the little kids at the grocery store who look up and smile those goofy kid smiles for no reason.  We all have the power to touch another person without actually making physical contact every single day.  It means a lot, and you never really know how much.  And if you’re nice to someone they’re more likely to be nice to the next person they encounter and then that person will be nice and so on.  So really, let’s all make an effort to be extra nice tomorrow.  I fully believe that the road to world peace is paved with random acts of kindness.

find the good around you

Tags

grateful, life, love, mental illness, motivation

Alright kids, you’ve redeemed yourselves.  For now.  Thanks to those who played.  Anyone else who wants to jump on my band wagon after the fact is welcomed to.

So I told you earlier I’d share some of the things I’m grateful for.  This is in no particular order…

1. Josh.  Yes, he’s an asshole, but he’s MY asshole.  I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone else and I know he loves me back.  We have our differences but we always work them out and come back together.  I could not have handled the loss of my father without him.  He may very well be my soul mate.
2. My mom.  Without her I would not be here, and I don’t mean just because she gave birth to me.  She’s helped me through every rough patch I’ve ever gone through.  She supports me, chastises me when I need it, bails my ass out of trouble, and loves me like only a mom can.
3. My friends, namely Gemma.  We really do get by with a little help from our friends, and I get a lot of help from Gem.  I love her like a sister, but a sister you don’t ever want to punch in the mouth.
4. My job.  Without the structure provided by having a place to go for 9 hours a day and earn some money, I’d be lost.  I love this place.  The people are wonderful, the work is interesting, the environment is mostly nurturing….  I couldn’t ever go back to working in the corporate world.
5. The parts of my brain that do still work.  There may be a whole lot wrong with my gray matter, but there’s still a whole lot that does work and work well.  I’m quite smart and really pretty talented.  I can’t imagine having those parts taken away, too.
6. My health.  Considering all of the nasty things I’ve done to my body over the years it’s a real wonder anything still works, but for the most part, it does.
7. My creativity.  Without the multitude of avenues I have to express myself I’d quite literally go nuts.  I love that I can make all kinds of things with my hands.  It makes me very happy.

And that’s where I’ll end, lucky #7.

git r done already

Tags

alcohol, grateful, mental illness, motivation, random shit that falls out of my brain

I’m getting a little tired of waiting for you bitches to leave me some comments about what you’re grateful for.  Seriously, you have nothing to be grateful for?  I find that hard to believe.  Maybe it’s just because it’s Wednesday and you’re just not that active on a Wednesday.  Maybe it’s because I’m the only fool who got up and went to work this morning and the rest of you are lounging about your homes in your footy pajamas drinking bourbon from a sippy cup.  Who the fuck knows.

Anyway, I’ve got my little list all typed up and ready to go.  And it’s good.  Fucking awesome really.  So, for the love of little green apples, will someone PLEASE leave me a fucking comment about what you’re grateful for.  This game is only fun if someone plays along with me.  Restore my faith in humanity.  Give me an artificially contrived reason to come to work every day.  Seriously, it’s not like they pay me enough to make getting dressed worth it.

I promise it won’t take long and then you can go back to your bourbon and bad daytime television.

flowers!

Tags

friends, grateful, work

My boss just brought me these along with an invitation to go to lunch today.  I love this place…

birthday flowers

ps – ignore the messy desk

happy birthday to me

Tags

bipolar disorder, death, family, grateful, life, love, mental illness

Yes kids, today is the day.  I’m old.  Well, older anyway.  I won’t be well and truly old for a few more years.  Today I guess I just feel old.

Josh did remember this morning, so that was nice.  And my grandma called and sang to me like always.  The only thing missing is a birthday greeting from my dad.  I’m really going to miss that this year.

Not much in the way of excitement going on today so far.  I’m at work as per usual, just kind of waiting for my co-workers to show up and see if any of them remembered.  I had dropped a hint to one of them that I didn’t really want a big fuss made this year.  I’m just hoping they do a little something.

Mom is supposed to be taking me out for lunch on Friday.  She gave me a gift certificate to the nail salon for pedicures.  Josh ended up buying me a new dress for work, a pair of pale green pajamas, and a new silver rose bead for my charm bracelet.  Not a bad birthday so far.

I’m 36 years old, I lost my father a month ago, I’ve been married 3 times, and I’ve got a dual mental health diagnosis.  My life has the potential to suck ass hardcore.  But I don’t think it does, at least not most days.  Sure, there’s a lot of crummy shit going on, but there’s a lot of good as well.  I think too many of us take the good things for granted too often.  I would challenge all of you today to stop for a moment and reflect on the good in your life.  We all have at least one thing to be thankful or grateful for.  I’ll share mine later.

What’s yours?