alcohol, bipolar disorder, family, life, limits, love, meds, mental health, mental illness, money, moods, random shit that falls out of my brain, skin conditions, sleep, stress, the world is full of fucking idiots
I don’t really feel like my brain is whole right now, so bear with me kids. This will probably be pretty random.
Josh and I finally talked yesterday afternoon, after having spent almost the entire day not saying anything to each other. I tried telling him again that I’m worried about this because I love him and don’t want to lose him. And I cried. You have to realize, I don’t really cry much anymore. I’ve been through so much bullshit that I have to be pretty well at the end of my rope to let loose with the tears. What did he do? Grope me.
I finally, FINALLY, got him to start talking again and we sort of worked things out. The rest of the evening wasn’t too bad. Dinner was awesome – Mom’s meatloaf and eggplant casserole – and we watched a little tv. But Josh got the wrong melatonin and I kind of slept like shit. Oh well.
One of the things I acquired on Saturday was… well fuck, I don’t know what it’s called. It’s like long legged underwear that you wear over underwear and it keeps your thighs from rubbing together. Those cyst things on my legs are terrible and any time the skin rubs it hurts like hell. The problem is that I have a fairly extensive collection of skirts that I’d like to wear. So I finally broke down and bought one of these torture devices.
It’s not terrible, but it’s not super. The one I got only goes to my waist – you can get them that go clear up to your armpits. I do hope I don’t have to go to the bathroom quickly today; getting this thing yanked down is a process. But my legs feel fine so far, and really, that was the whole point of this.
Today would have been my dad’s 67th birthday. I really thought I was ok with it until Mom wished him happy birthday on Facebook. It was hard trying to figure out which part of my body to clench to keep the tears from coming.
I had really odd dreams last night about him and my grandma. They weren’t bad, not at all. I just always kind of wonder when I dream about either of them if maybe they’re trying to tell me something and if I could just hang on to the dream after I wake up that I’ll be able to figure it out. But I never do.
So how’s this for fucked up? My boss has triplet girls, 18 years old. She had been telling them for ages that she and her husband would put all of them through college, any school they wanted. They got enrolled at a private school, went up for orientation, and then – less than 30 days before they should have started classes – my boss realized she couldn’t possibly do it for one of the girls, let alone all 3.
She and her husband make GOOD money. But she shops, near constantly. She blows more money on bullshit than Josh and I combined make in a month.
So she tells the girls they’re all of a sudden on their own. And by the way, you need to start paying rent. And no, I’m not going to help you with anything. All their lives she’s been spoiling them rotten, giving them absolutely everything they’ve always wanted, and now they’ve been abruptly cut off.
Yesterday she posted a picture of her husband at a race track. She’d paid for him to be able to drive a race car.
If I was one of those girls, I’m pretty sure I would NEVER speak to her again.
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