better?

Tags

bipolar disorder, christmas, kids, knitting, life, love, meds, mental health, mental illness, motivation, normal, patterns, sleep, stress, work

Taking the Melatonin at 8 seems to have worked much better.  I fell asleep fairly quickly and stayed asleep until 3:45 when I needed to use the bathroom.  I kind of went back to sleep after that and then got up when Josh left.  I got all of the morning chores done and got to spend about 20 minutes with the sock.  Ah yes, progress…

I do feel better this morning.  Still not 100%, but better.  I’m trying to keep my calendar clear today so that I can take it easy here and not over tax myself.  This means the end of the week is going to be busy, but I’m betting I feel better by then.  Here’s hoping anyway.

The sock should only need a few more hours to finish, which makes me very happy.  I’d like to get Josh’s Christmas socks started by this weekend.  I’ve added a few more gifts to make, but I still feel like I have adequate time to do everything.  I decided for sure on what to do for my nieces and the brat for Christmas and for the nieces for their birthdays.  That’s the thing that sucks – their birthdays are both at the start of December, so I have to make 2 gifts for each of them.  Oh well, the stuff I’m making this year is fairly small and shouldn’t take too much time.

I started a new pattern last night that I’m hoping comes out well.  If it does, I’ll post it and share.  My mom has decided she’d like a pair of mitts for herself and I decided I could do better than the weird cables on the pattern I did for myself.  So I took that as my starting point and rewrote the cable part.  I’m about 2/3 of the way done.  I’m hoping to get the left one finished tonight.  If I do I’ll post a pic.

I’m getting really anxious to order my yarn.   I need materials for 2 Hobbes dolls, a pair of gloves, 5 bunnies, and 3 butterfly mobiles.  I’ll also need to make 2 more pairs of slippers, Gemma’s surprise giftie, Josh’s socks, and something for Jeremy.  I’ve pretty well decided that I’ll just buy something for Grandma – probably some sweatshirts.  And I’m not going to make the soaps to go with the washcloths, I’m going to order them.  I had gotten this really good soap at a craft fair and I found this weekend that they have a website you can order from.  Time saver!

The mood has pretty well settled back down.  Josh and I had a fairly quiet day yesterday and I know that helped.  I’m just hoping that today goes well and the rest of the week can be normal again.  I feel like I have a good amount of energy and motivation right now, I just need to channel it appropriately.

I’m still kind of in the mode of trying to figure out ways to save myself some time and money.  Making my own mocha helps, as does making Josh’s lunch every day.  I’m trying to use yarn that I have on hand for as many of the gifts as possible.  And I’m really trying to be as efficient as possible.  I’m all about working smarter, not harder – particularly when it comes to the chores.  That’s why I try to do as much stuff at night before I go downstairs as possible.  I know once I start relaxing that I’m not going to want to have get up and do more things.  I also know that I’m not a morning person, so anything that can be done the night before is a good thing.  I even get my clothes and jewelry out the night before so that I don’t have to think about what I’m going to wear and hunt for things in the morning.  Sounds silly, but it helps.

picture pages, picture pages, time for fun with picture pages…

Tags

bipolar disorder, life, love, mental illness, motivation, patterns, random shit that falls out of my brain, sleep, tattoos

I got nothin’ today.

Well, almost nothing.  I have some pics to show you.

jewelry for S

That’s the jewelry I ended up making for my pal, S, at work.  I had wanted to do something different but the bead store didn’t have the right parts.  I’m pretty happy with how this turned out.  It’s very much her style.  Can’t wait to give it to her later this month.

more sock, yawn...

It’s up to 13.5″ now, which is good.  I’ve got it with me again today so I can try to make a little more progress during lunch.  It’s just so fucking BORING.  Because of this I started working on a new bag last night.

Here’s the idea – knit a huge tote bag that is very like my favorite purple purse.  Make it nice and big, with a pocket on the outside, two handles long enough to sling it over my shoulder, and then felt it so it’s nice and dense.  Embellish with knit and felted roses and leaves and then needle felt some vine-y tendril like things around the rose/leaf areas.  I know I can do it, I’ve done this sort of thing before.  Just need to find time.  I cast on for it last night and got the first row done before I lost the ability to concentrate.

my favorite gift from Josh

I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned before that shortly after we started dating, Josh got me this really cool flower ashtray.  This is it, in flower form, sitting atop a doily I crocheted eons ago.  The flower needs to be polished, but we’re not sure what would work on it.  The doily needs to be blocked, but I’m too lazy.

Things at home seem to be going fairly well.  We had a brief dispute last night when we first got home, but we settled it peacefully and everything the rest of the evening went smoothly.  This morning he got up fairly easily and so did I.  I actually made it into my office by 6:25.  It wasn’t like I was rushing to get here, it just kind of worked out that way.  I even took time at home this morning to write out a check for a bill and make the bed.  Apparently some days I’m just more on top of my game than others.

The mood is coming down a little, but not too bad I don’t think.  I was still able to get some things done last night at home and this morning I’m getting through my usual morning routine.  Need to think about having a quick smoke break and then dusting.  I have no doubt that today will be a semi-productive day.  I’m not feeling depressed at all yet, just a little slower than normal.  I went to bed before 8 last night and slept kind of in fits and spurts.  Not sure what that was all about but I feel fairly rested this morning.

I leave you with one final photo…

custom sugar skull tat

That is my favorite tattoo.  Josh designed it for me and my favorite tattoo dude inked it for me.  It’s on my upper back, in the middle between my shoulders.  This pic was taken just hours after it was finished which is why her teeth are still kind of bloody.  It’s beautiful and it’s so me.

update

Tags

friends, goals, knitting, life, money, patterns, recipes, sleep

So much to do today kids!  Bear with me and we’ll try to get through it in an orderly fashion…

I added a new pattern and a new recipe.  The pattern is for another bag and it’s the one that was published back in 2005 in a small magazine.  I don’t have any pics because I lost the bag and I haven’t made another yet.  It’s pretty cool though.  The recipe is for my grandmother’s lemon sugar cookies.  It’s quite possibly my very favorite cookie ever.  I had hoped to be able to make a batch this weekend, but alas, my plans did not work out as I had wanted.  I did add that to my list though so maybe next weekend I’ll get to it.

Ok, update on the weekly goals:  I didn’t finish the kid’s scarf because I burned the shit out of one of my fingers.  Steam burning yourself two nights in a row is really not recommended.  It blistered.  Bad.  Ouch.  I did go looking for the picture of me and Dad but couldn’t find it.  I have one place left to look and then I”ll be forced to give up.  I made a valiant effort to finish my to do list, but since it blossomed so spectacularly I was not successful.  It got up to 20 things Friday by the time I left work.  I added a few more over the weekend and now it sits at 6.  Possibly doable this week yet, not sure.  Josh and I didn’t start the book yet but we did talk about it.  Half a win on that so far?  Maybe.  And I did indeed start the Christmas gift making list, so that’s a confirmed win.  I still have a few days to go so maybe I”ll be able to have 5 wins under my belt.

The weekend was interesting.  Josh drank 2 nights, but only because we had one of his friends over for dinner Saturday night.  It wasn’t too bad except that I slept like shit all weekend.  The combination of that and my bad means I’m at home today.  I just got home from seeing a regular doc and having some x-rays taken.  She thinks it’s just a muscle pull, but a bad one, but wanted to do some films just to be safe.  She also wrote me a Rx for cyclobenzaprine to help relax my muscles.  Yeah, right.

Oh hell, we need another update…

Yearly Goals

1. Get my finances back in order. Back on track I think.  I got my student loans refinanced which cut my payments by nearly $350.  Also used most of my tax refund to catch some stuff up.  And I made myself a budget that I’m trying to stick to.  I wouldn’t say this one has been accomplished, but I”m making good progress.
2. Rip out all of the half started projects I have laying about and reclaim the yarn for something else.  DONE!!!
3. Perform a “stuff” purge.  Almost done.  I’d like to finish going through my bookshelves but I just don’t have it in me right now because of the back situation.  I have cleaned out my jewelry armoire, every dresser drawer, the clothes closet, and part of my desk.  I need to finish the desk and then I think it’s probably time to go through the craft storage area again.  So I’m still working on it but making good progress.
4. Read a book.  Might try to start this yet this week.   I’ve got a fairly small Anne Rice novel I’d like to read.  Maybe I could spend some quality time on the sofa with the book and an ice pack.
5. Get better at documenting my knitting/crocheting projects.  Working on it.  I haven’t been doing much lately so there hasn’t been a lot to document.  This one will probably just be a perpetual work in progress.
6. Organize my photos.  DONE!!!
7. Take more pictures with the camera, not just my phone. Working on this one as well.  I did acquire another digital camera over the weekend and I’m debating keeping it in my purse.  That would help, maybe.

All in all I would say I’ve been doing fairly well.  I’m pleased with my progress so far.  I’m off to bond with the sofa and the ice pack.  After a smoke of course.

patterns

Tags

knitting, patterns

I’m trying something, bear with me kids.  I’ve found a couple of old patterns that I want to be able to share on Ravelry.  One is for a mohair shrug with beads and the other is for a felted purse.  Both were written almost 7 years ago.  Let me know if you can download these…

shrug

shy_violet

mona lisa smile

Tags

bipolar disorder, knitting, life, love, mental illness, patterns

When I was first diagnosed, back when I was 29, the doc I was seeing put me on high doses of Seroquel to slow my racing mind.  It worked, too well.  I lost all ambition to do anything and I completely lost my facial affect.  I couldn’t smile or make any kind of facial expressions unless I was in pain.  It was terrible.  After about 2 years I figured this was a permanent thing and that it wouldn’t ever get better.  Then I switched docs and she switched my meds.  My smile kind of returned.

I don’t take Seroquel regularly anymore and I’m very thankful for that.  It’s great when I’m manic and need to slow down, but anymore just a tiny dose knocks me flat on my ass for a few days.  Currently I’m taking only 2 meds to control the bipolar – Lithium and Geodon.  Most of the time this works really well.  But I still don’t smile right.

The really frustrating part is that to me, it feels like I am smiling.  And the harder I try the worse it looks.  I’ve got the Mona Lisa smile thing down pretty good, but a big full face smile – out of the question.  I hate having my picture taken because of this.  My face just never looks right to me.  It’s like when I try to smile I look like I’m in pain.

Josh has a great smile.  His whole face lights up and it’s just awesome.  I wish I could do that.  He’s told me that he thinks I’m prettiest when I smile.  I just don’t feel like I can ever do it justice.

The weekend was an interesting adventure.  I tried probably a dozen times on Saturday to get a project – any project – to turn out right.  It seemed like everything I touched turned to shit within just a few minutes.  The yarn wasn’t heavy enough, the colors changed too close together so the stitch pattern didn’t show, there wasn’t going to be enough yarn…  On and on and on.  Nothing turned out right.  I finally gave up and went to bed early.  Josh entertained the kid and I just kept stewing over what to do.  I just knew that I needed to have something turn out proper or I was going to lose it.

Sunday morning I got up and tried one last thing.  I had this huge beautiful skein of worsted weight wool in shades of pinks and purples.  The color changes every few stitches so I knew it wasn’t suited to anything fancy.  I also only have the one skein and I wanted something to make the most of every inch of it.  So I split it into two equal balls and started a knit shrug, worked from the middle out.  Finally, something was working.  I got almost done with the first half yesterday in between cooking and taking care of everyone.  I actually brought it to work with me today so I can keep working on it at lunch.  My goal is to have it finished so I can wear it to work on Friday.

Here’s the recipe so far…

One Skein Shrug

560 yards of worsted weight yarn

16″ size 13 circular needle

stitch marker

tape measure

yarn needle

co 60 stitches and begin working stockinette stitch flat

I worked even like this for 10″ (my back measures about 19″ across and I wanted to allow a little give)

join and begin working in the round, place marker to indicate start of round

work even until almost out of yarn

to bind off – k next 2 sts together, place new st back on left needle, repeat around – this should give a stretchy bind off edge

work other half

pick up 60 sts along co edge and continue as above

 

One of these days I’m going to try to get some pics of some of this stuff up.  I know it’s frustrating to see a pattern without a picture to know if you’re getting close.

monday blues

Tags

kids, knitting, life, love, patterns

The weekend turned out about as I expected – long and painful.  We picked the kid up Saturday morning and went and had lunch.  As per usual she ate about 5 bites of her food and decided she was full.  I hate taking her out to eat because she damn near always does this.

After lunch we went to the grocery store to get some supplies.  Then it was back home to find something to do until dinner.  Fortunately Josh’s step mom called and invited us to dinner so the evening was taken care of.  We did a few little crafty things and then headed out.  Unfortunately the entire family was there, including Josh’s sister and her two very unruly girls.  It turned out to be a decent evening in spite of that and we lined up to get together again next weekend so that us big girls can have some craft time together.

Sunday morning Josh was near impossible to get up, which is pretty typical for him.  We finally got him out of bed and had breakfast.  He was complaining that he didn’t feel good the entire day.  I spent most of my time working on finishing a crocheted shrug I started right after Christmas.  The kid worked on painting a stepping stone and then decided she wanted to make a felt monster.  Josh just kind of vegged all day.

We took the kid home around 4:30 and I had hoped we’d finally get some quality time just the two of us, but he still felt unwell.  We did lay down for a few minutes before dinner but it was not our typical snuggle session.  He ate some dinner and then proceeded to start drinking.  This is his regular Sunday night thing – have dinner then drink 3 of the 24oz beers and pass out.  Only something is apparently wrong because around midnight he started coughing, bad.  Sometime between midnight and 2:30 he got up and peed in the trashcan.  Then around 2:30 he got to coughing so hard he threw up all over himself.

Needless to say, I’ve been awake since around midnight and I’m really not happy about it.

He thinks it may be the flu, but I’m wondering if maybe it isn’t pancreatitis.  He had a bout of it last summer and ended up spending two days in the hospital.  He’s home sick today and if he’s not better by the time I get home I’ll be hauling him into the ER.  It just really pisses me off that he can’t be bothered to take better care of himself.  It’s not like he really did anything strenuous this weekend that would have wore him out.  As usual, I was the one doing most of the kid sitting duties.

That probably pisses me off more than anything.  He’s her father and yet most of the time he can’t even be bothered to pay attention to her.  She spends most of her time talking to me when she comes over.  I guess that’s ok, but seriously, man up and be a dad.  Right now he’s more of just a sperm donor.

Anyway, I finished the shrug I’d been working on and I’m really pleased with how it turned out.  The pattern is called Sonata and I got it off Ravelry.  I used a really pretty wool sock yarn that’s shades of blue, green, aqua, and lime.  It turned out great and it was really easy to make.  I’ve got it on at work today and I’m just waiting for my friends to see it.

I also spent a little time working on a knit bag this weekend.  I made one for myself around Christmas to serve as my new work bag and I liked the way it turned out so well that I started making another.  Of course once the kid saw that I had already made one for me she wanted this one for her.  (side note to Gemma – if you would like one, too, just let me know – I think I’ve got enough yarn to make a third one)  The pattern is really easy…

Spiral Bottom Bag

Set of 5 size 7 double pointed needles

16″ size 7 circular needle

worsted weight cotton yarn (I use Lily Sugar & Cream)

stitch marker

yarn needle

On dpns, co 8 stitches and distribute evenly

Join to work in the round being careful not to twist co edge

Knit one round

yo, k to end of needle – repeat across all needles

Repeat until there are 25 stitches on each needle

K even, transferring to circular needle

Continue working even until bag is approximately 14″ from last increase row

Bind off all but 10 stitches

K last 10 stitches, turn to work flat

Continue knitting even working flat until strap is desired length

Bind off, sew strap to opposite side of bag

Weave in ends

hat

Tags

crochet, patterns

I’ve been thinking about that damn hat all day now.  I thought perhaps to get some of my issues out of my head I’d share the pattern.

Basic Hat Recipe

Worsted Weight Yarn

Size G crochet hook

Yarn needle (for weaving in ends)

Notes:  Pattern is worked in rounds.  At the end of each round join with a slip stitch to the top of the chain 3.  Chain 3 counts as first stitch in each round.

Abbreviations:

Sl st – slip stitch

Ch – chain

Dc – double crochet

Working in a magic loop, ch 3 then work 11 dc; join with sl st in top of ch 3.  (12 dc)

Round 1 – Ch 3; dc in same space.  2 dc in each dc around.  (24 dc)

Round 2 – Ch 3; dc in same space. *Dc in next dc.  2 dc in next dc.*  Repeat from * to * around.  (36 dc)

Round 3 – Ch 3; dc in same space.  *Dc in next 2 dc.  2 dc in next dc.*  Repeat from * to * around.  (48 dc)

Round 4 – Ch 3; dc in same space.  *Dc in next 3 dc.  2 dc in next dc.*  Repeat from * to * around.  (60 dc)

Round 5 – Ch 3; dc in same space.  *Dc in next 4 dc.  2 dc in next dc.*  Repeat from * to * around.  (72 dc)

Continue increasing in this manner until the top of the hat comfortably covers just the top of the recipients head.  Begin working even (no increases).  Work even until hat is desired length.  Work one round of reverse single crochet.  Cut yarn and weave in ends.