focus, grasshopper

awesome bubbleWell, hopefully.

Therapy went well yesterday, which was good. I scheduled another appointment for the start of the week when I’ll be giving the big presentation. I’m just kind of thinking with as freaked out as I’m starting to get that I might need a session with T-bone to help get myself centered again. There’s just something so amazing about having a therapist that not only doesn’t flinch when you say “fuck” but will also use it in conversation with you.

capt jackMakes PERFECT sense to me!

At any rate, I did a run through last night with Mom and Josh and it went alright, just way too short. I’ve got 50 minutes for the presentation and questions and even with my fumbling and being flustered it only took me 20. Not cool. But they said if I could stop talking a million words a minute that would probably help. Duly noted. And Rosa went through the slides and gave me some good feedback, which helped as well. The run through with the squirrels is at 1 this afternoon and then I’m off to see shrinky-poo.

fb cardDamn, don’t I wish…

I’m not anticipating any big changes or anything, this is more just a routine check to make sure that everything is predominantly smooth sailing right now. And I have to say, for the most part it is. Josh is mostly better, I’m sleeping mostly well, work is mostly not too ridiculous, and my partner for school mostly sent me his part of the project. Mostly, yes.

fine lineYeah, this has nothing to do with anything other than being super creepy, but hey, there ya go.

Anywhoo… I’m hoping the rest of the day is good and the rest of the week is tolerable. I don’t feel like I’m quite firing on all 6 cylinders right now, but this late in the semester that’s really to be expected. And I may just have to beat the hell out of Josh, but that kind of remains to be seen.


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I’d really kind of like to die right now. This isn’t the typical “mental stuff is out of whack and I don’t know how to cope” kind of wanting to die. Oh no, this is FAR WORSE. This is the “I think that fucking cheesecake was beyond rotten and now my insides would rather be on the outside” kind of wanting to die.

It’s finally kind of subsided, and I’m in the remote office this morning which is directly across the hall from the ladies room, but still. I may¬† just have an alien life form in my gut, I honestly don’t know. And now I’ve just (mistakenly) taken a big ol’ swig from a bottle of flavored fizzy water that I see expired last summer. Nice. There may well be no hope for me. Time to call in the reinforcements…

canfieldYes, this is legit. There’s a can sitting in front of me. This is just about the only kind of soda I will drink anymore. Well, this and Diet Hanson’s Black Cherry. What can I say, I don’t like cheap soda.

But I digress. Where was I headed? Fuck, who knows…

Anyway, today is therapy day. Actually, today is kind of “medical week” around these parts. I have therapy today, a visit with shrinky-poo tomorrow, and tomorrow morning Josh is having an abdominal ultrasound. His doc gave him some suggestions Friday afternoon for the heartburn stuff, which was good and seems to be helping, but Josh is having semi-persistent pain in his side that may indicate an issue with his gall bladder.

He’s going to the ultrasound ALONE, and that was his choice. :)

The presentation is nearly done. I sent it off to a few friends to get some feedback. Just waiting to hear from them and then I’ve got a practice session scheduled tomorrow afternoon with the squirrels.

I wish I could say that my school stuff was coming along as nicely, but that dipshit I’m working with isn’t communicating much at all. GRRRR

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don’t come too close

My mom is an awesome cook. Actually no, my mom is an AWESOME cook. I try to be as much like her when it comes to all things “kitchen” as possible. My sister’s idea of cooking involves selecting which restaurant they’ll get take out from that night. So holiday meals, while they always have to take place at her house, rarely involve her actually making anything. And to be honest, we all really prefer it that way.

One of things I think my mom is particularly awesome at making is Deviled Eggs.

eggsI honestly don’t know if this is a uniquely American food thing or not, but just in case, the basic idea is you boil the eggs, cut them in half long ways, scoop out the yolk, mix the yolk with “stuff,” put the “stuff” back in the hole, and sprinkle with paprika. The “stuff” is the part that everyone seems to do different. In our family it’s a little mayo, a little mustard (French’s yellow), and a little sweet pickle relish. They’re to die for. And if you eat enough of them, you want to die. From the smell.

Our meal was phenomenal. The one good thing about having holiday dinners at her house is that they don’t eat leftovers, so all of the good food comes back home with us. SCORE!!! I’ll be having more eggs tonight along with some cheesy potatoes and green bean casserole. Aww yea…

But for the love of god, don’t come too close. I smell worse than the cat right now.

Oh hey, that Atkins cheesecake was lousy, don’t waste your time. I really don’t think that cheesecake should ever be made with artificial sugar.

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look! a shiny thing!

I have less than nothing to offer this morning, so I’ll give you this – another Bowling for Soup song. The one is “Circle” and it’s a cover of an Edie Brickell & the New Bohemians track done in the late 80s. I think the fellas did a super job of staying true to the original while still putting their very unique sound with it.

Oh what the hell, here’s one more…

My days of getting fucked up on Friday nights are long since passed, but it’s still a catchy tune. It sounds an awful lot like Blink 182 to me (they’re both punk so that totally makes sense) but I think it’s more of an homage than a cover, or I guess what I should say is that I couldn’t find anything on YouTube by Blink 182 with the same name. And I’m lazy. There ya go.

Anyway, I’m off to work on my presentation…

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let me explain, wait, no, there is no time to explain, let me sum up

  • My class presentation on Wednesday went well. Two of my classmates cemented their places in my mind as “biggest douches evah” by admitting during their presentations that they found the project “too hard” and that they “should have spent more time on it, but didn’t.”
  • Josh got let off work at 12:30 on Wednesday because another part of the production line was way behind. That’s a 3 hour pay deduction that we really can’t afford.
  • I spent pretty well all day yesterday sitting in on product demos. It was mildly interesting, but not good enough to justify that large a chunk of my valuable time.
  • Still no word on the new computer, though I have been told that it was indeed ordered.
  • I need to make an Atkins chocolate cheesecake tomorrow to appease the Godzilla monster that is my sister since we’re headed to her house for Easter. We were invited to Josh’s dad’s house for Easter as well, but Godzilla is WAY more appealing.
  • I also need to finish my presentation that I have to give in May this weekend because I need to do a practice run in front of my team next Tuesday.
  • I also also need to keep working on school stuff seeing as my idiot partner is evidently STILL not done with his parts.
  • And the rest of my day is shot. I have an appointment at 11, try to suck down a sandwich between whenever she leaves and 12:30 when I head out to help a faculty member with a presentation, hopefully leave after that and then rush to a doc appointment for Josh. There wasn’t supposed to be a rush because I’d originally scheduled the fucking appointment for 4:20, but the receptionist called around 9 this morning wanting to get him there as soon as possible because the doc wants to leave the office early. Nice.
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a brief update that has nothing to do with underwear (or maybe it will)

adventure beginsLife has been… Damn, what’s the word I’m looking for? Wait, maybe it’s not a single word, maybe it’s a phrase. Yes, let’s see…

Unbelievably, undeniably, bat-shit, weird-ass, fucked up and then some, off the chain, ridiculously NOT GOOD

(well maybe a tiny bit good, but not much)

second scan0002That’s me, as a squirrel. I put the finishing touches on a big project I’d been working on over the weekend and she was part of it. Josh drew her and I did the color on the computer after scanning his sketch. This is was an entirely personal project so there was no external pressure, but it was something I really wanted to do and that brought me a ridiculous amount of joy.

I also finished my individual school project, which made me feel quite nice. I’ve got just about everything I can do done for the group project, but that fucking slacker of a partner I have hasn’t done much at all. I’ll be kicking him in the teeth tonight.

So those were the good bits of the last several days, now for the bitching…

combustWe had the brat this weekend. Josh decided to take her out on a few errands to give me time to finish my homework. That was lovely. Saturday night they were both camped out on the bed and got pissy when I told them I was tired and needed to go to sleep. Pretty typical. Josh still hasn’t told her what’s going on and doesn’t seem the least bit inclined to. Whatever.

On Sunday we went to Olive Garden with his dad’s family. That consists of his dad, his step-mom, a half brother and a half sister (both in their early 20s), and an adopted brother and sister – ages 13 and 11. The adopted brother has childhood onset schizophrenia and his meds are nowhere near stable yet. He’s been in several different residential treatment facilities that he keeps getting kicked out of for – wait for it – SENDING THE STAFF TO THE ER. He’s a dangerous little fuck. And the adopted sister has no manners. At one point she had a drinking straw UP HER NOSE and then proceeded to eat cake with it. (yes, the boogery end… did I mention she’s ELEVEN?)

No, I swear to all that is holy I am NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP.

So, the plan before we got there was to go back to his dad’s house after dinner for dessert. However, they told the waiter it was Josh’s birthday and the poor bastard got a cake with candles and singing, which is really quite a harsh thing to do to a man who hates his own birthday. Plus, the Seroquel kicked in with a vengeance and he was fading fast. The brat had said something about wanting to go to their house to play with her “aunt” (the 11 year old adopted sister with the straw up her nose) but when we went to leave couldn’t be bothered to open her fucking mouth and say anything about it.

So we took her home where allegedly she proceeded to cry uncontrollably. She’s 11. She lives less than 15 minutes from them and could go over there any time. But Josh is a total fucking bastard for being so mean to her, according to his delightful ex wife. So what’s he do?

That sonofabitch apologized to his ex. Not to his kid, but to his ex. My opinion is that he didn’t owe either of them an apology, but what the fuck do I know.

But wait, it keeps getting better…

get-on-the-squirrel-theres-no-time-to-explainI’m up for a new computer at work this year, it’s finally my turn. This boat anchor is the one I’ve had since I started this position back in 2007. We’ve replaced the hard drive once already. I’m pretty sure it’s about to shit on me again. I’ve done every single diagnostic thing I know to do to the fucking thing. My boss finally got in touch with the guy who does the ordering and told him that I need something NOW. But this means I haven’t been able to do much of anything for the last 3 days.

So yeah, welcome to my little corner of hell…

straight jacketThe good news is, Josh and I are getting along pretty well. Well, since I yelled at him Sunday night anyway. But that totally counts.

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off the grid

Feels like pretty well every time I’ve opened my mouth today it’s been to pull my foot out. Things I’ve tried to say to be supportive and helpful just haven’t come across as I’ve intended and all it’s done is make me feel worse. None of us needs that.

So I’m going off the grid for awhile. I won’t be posting, and certainly not commenting, until I feel like I have adequate time to think about what I’m saying before I just blurt stuff out. Things are really rather ridiculously busy these days anyway, and feeling stressed out about writing here or finding time to read every single one of y’all’s posts and leaving decent comments is just entirely counterproductive to seeing this whole blogging thing as being therapeutic.

Don’t settle for “good,” insist on “amazing.”

My life isn’t anywhere near amazing just yet and I’m tired of settling. I’m off to get some work done. Catch ya later.

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