in other news…

I had a relatively boring day, which was incredibly lovely. No one yelled at me, no one made unreasonable demands, I was able to resolve some issues for folks, I had a wonderful lunch that was last night’s left-over dinner (recipe below), and I made a lovely little sketch at lunch. AND, (pardon me for the TMI here) I had normal potty happenings. It’s been grand. Perhaps the best part of all is that today is Tuesday, and Tuesday is a school day.

praise jesusSo I have already washed the detestable undergarments, filled both of Evie’s water glasses, selected tomorrow’s outfit, and dealt with my lunch dishes. And now… Now we relax.

2014-07-04 00.36.50little flower dividerWanna see my pictures? They’re kind of cool.

2014-07-29 08.12.56This is a peacock I drew, and a little poem he inspired. The drawing was based on this necklace I have.

2014-07-29 17.17.39Not quite identical, but I think he’s nifty. He’s actually the reason I went and got my very own set of colored pencils. I felt like he deserved LOTS of shades of blue.

2014-07-29 11.54.58This little guy was today’s attempt. The silver squirrel was my inspiration. I did this at lunch, while talking to Josh, and it took about 10 minutes. I think he’s a fairly realistic representation of the original and I’m quite proud of him. I’m not sure if I’ll add the color tonight or wait until later. For now I’m still trying to stick with recreating things I can look at. Pulling images entirely out of my imagination still feels entirely too uncomfortable. And no, I still haven’t gotten to my CCC entry for this week. I’m sure y’all have figured out it’ll be a pic of Evie Cat. I just need to select the perfect picture to draw from.

little flower dividerOk, on to the recipe! I used to share recipes on this blog on a sort of regular basis, and then for some reason I stopped. Anyway, this is totally easy and turns out entirely lovely.

Mama’s Sausage and Potato Bake

  • 6 sausages – the ones that are like slightly fat hot dogs but made of real meat, I usually go with the Smoked Brat flavor of Johnsonville sausages but any nice sausage will do
  • 1 medium onion
  • 1 red bell pepper
  • 5 medium white potatoes
  • 1 stick of butter, melted
  • Lawry’s Season Salt, or any seasoning of your choosing

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. (this can also be done on a grill over medium-ish heat) I usually do this in a disposable aluminum pan because I don’t like to wash pans. Cut the sausages into 1/2″ or so thick slices, cut the onion into slivers, cut the pepper into smallish chunks, cut the potatoes into 1/2″ or so chunks – throw all of that into the pan. Put the seasoning into the butter and then dump it into the pan. Stir it all well to coat. Toss it into the oven, stirring now and again, about 45 minutes or until the potatoes are as tender as you prefer.

2014-07-29 13.13.40That was what was left for my lunch today, so I’d say it serves about 4 people. And, it reheats in the microwave beautifully.

little flower dividerIn case you were wondering, the Coolest Aunt Ever made an appearance again this weekend.2014-07-27 15.09.59

2014-07-27 17.57.46It’s the finger nails you’re supposed to be looking at. That’s what happens when you let a 6 year old dolly talk you into a manicure. PS – that beautiful peacock green does not come off well.

little flower dividerI’ll leave you with the mandatory “Mama Feels Better, Look, There’s a Kitty” picture.

2014-07-26 21.21.32“What? I don’t have thumbs to pick this fucking thing up with! How about instead of taking a picture you go get me some that’s cold, eh?”

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church of the snowflake

CoS2I want/need to post an update about what happened last night with Josh, but I’m not ready yet. Nothing major happened and I’m fine, don’t worry. I’m just still processing some of what was said.

But Fish of Gold made a comment in her post yesterday about religion that got me thinking and wondering if I’d ever actually shared my religious philosophy with y’all. If I have, please forgive me. If not, prepared to be underwhelmed. And welcome, to the Church of the Snowflake…

Believe in the higher power of your understanding, call him or her what you’d like – we don’t mind. But don’t tell me that what I call my higher power is wrong, or that my beliefs are wrong. BE NICE. If you want to send prayers to an old white haired fella that you call God, that is awesome. But don’t tell me that I can’t send my prayers to Ceiling Cat, or Shiva, or kneel and face Mecca when I pray. BE NICE. You want to go to a pretty building once a week and pray there? Go for it. You want to use your spare time and your spare sheckles to help people in the name of your higher power? That is super, make sure you’re NICE to them. Do your best to not hurt people, physically or emotionally. Say NICE things, don’t be mean. Do not ever tell someone else that your higher power is better than theirs. Do not ever tell someone that they’re going to end up in your hell just because their beliefs do not precisely mirror yours. BE NICE. Don’t send us money, we don’t need it. Be kind to your brothers and sisters and the animals. If you don’t have anything nice to say, keep your fucking mouth shut until you do. Amen, pass the gravy.

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the side of Mama you don’t often see

Things are not really going well, and it makes me sad to say that. I had the worst weekend I’ve had in a very, VERY long time. Josh and I just couldn’t seem to get along to save our skins. I pulled out every skill I could muster to make things right again and was met with nothing but sarcasm and a thoroughly shitty attitude.

I pointed out to him that I only really get sick anymore when I’m stressed, and that the stress was very clearly coming from him.

“Go take another fucking pill then, I can’t tolerate you.”

In essence, everything since 4am on Saturday has been my fault. I’ve been picking on him. I’ve been a bitch. I’m intolerable. I haven’t done a single thing right.

I haven’t slept since Friday. I’ve been sick almost non-stop. My other leg is now flaring and I’m having to wear a support garment under my jeans just to keep the opening from draining too bad. And then this morning I didn’t pay close enough attention and poured sour milk all over my breakfast and didn’t realize it was sour until I’d finished it.

So the point I’m at right now with him is contempt. There is no love anymore. I am being decent to him purely because it requires less effort. I’ll say whatever hollow words the conversation requires to keep him from yelling at me again – it means nothing. But…

I’m not paying any of his bills anymore.

I’m not helping him with his school paperwork or getting registered for the next set of classes.

I’m not making any more sandwiches for his lunch.

I’m not folding or putting away any of his laundry.

I’m not picking up after him anymore. He’s a grown fucking man.

I’m not making any more of his medical appointments, including with his shrink.

When we first got married I would go through times when I didn’t think it would last at all. I’d get pissed about something, yell at him, he’d yell back, and we’d work things out. This is the longest things have been bad, and it’s been a very long time since we’ve had something escalate like this. But I’m done. I deserve better than this.

When he insisted on calling at lunch, at the end, he said some paltry thing about how he was sorry and things would be better. Had he said that shit Saturday morning, maybe I’d have believed him. But now, 2 days later – no, that is just more bullshit that means nothing coming from a man who has spent the entire weekend shitting on the best thing that ever happened to him (his words, not mine).

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building rome – weekly update

reach for the starsI want to start by saying thanks to those of you who left me feedback on my post. I appreciate your input on the colors and I hope you’ll find this scheme a little easier, I know I do. Sometimes I can’t see the forest for all the damn trees and I need someone else to give me a nudge in a more effective direction. If you feel like perhaps a nudge in a more effective direction would be helpful for you, consider joining the Building Rome crew.

Last week’s goals:

  • Keep working on scanning the pictures. I’d like to get a total of 100 images scanned. I kept going with this, but I don’t think I scanned quite that many pictures. One thing I did find was that a lot of the prints that I’ve been hanging on to, I really didn’t want anymore – such as scenery from really old vacations. So in that regard I feel like I was still quite successful.
  • Keep at least one day ahead of where I am currently with scheduled posts. This should ensure that the only time y’all go post-less around here is on the weekends, and maybe not even then. Wow, this was just too vague in my mind. I am far enough ahead that I don’t feel pressured right now, so I’m going to call that good. Since I really do feel that this helps with my anxiety levels, I’m going to keep going with it next week.
  • Bump those creative things up to 4x. Cartoon Challenge doesn’t get to count for this! More than 4x actually if you count the multiple new banners and the various bits of sketching I did. YAY!
  • Take the feedback I get on this post and use it to make next week’s update even better. Done!

Established Goals for every week:

  • Take pills every morning. This has been remarkably easy now that I’ve taken the vitamins out of the equation. Shrinky-poo is insisting I take a vitamin D pill, but taking it at night is working much better.
  • Make bed and tidy living space every morning. Done (enough).
  • Do something creative at least 3x per week. Done!
  • Keep a list of one good thing that happens every day. Done! I’m finding that I really enjoy this and look forward to writing that post every Sunday.
  • Participate in the Cartoon Craziness Challenge. If you missed it, this was my version of Wonder Woman. I am simply loving this challenge.

Goals for this week:

  • Keep scanning/sorting the picture prints.
  • Do a sketch at least 3x that is not tied to the Cartoon Challenge.
  • Do something creative (which is neither a sketch or the CC) at least 3x.

This is fewer goals than I normally do, but the start of the Fall semester is fast approaching at work and things at home are not going well right now AT ALL. In all honesty, I haven’t slept much since Friday and I don’t really see an end to this in the near future. I suspect there may be some big life changes on the horizon for Mama and I don’t want to add to my emotional burden any more than necessary. But I need the goals to keep me going.

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attitude of gratitude

attitude of gratitudeI’m going to do this like last week – this is my list of “one good thing” that happened each day over the last week, which is part of my Established Goals for Building Rome. The longer I do this exercise, the more I realize how much it makes me stop and re-frame my life. There really is a whole lot more good going on than most of us realize.

  • 7/21 – had an all around amazing day; got tons done at work, cooked a phenomenal meal, and drew a great cartoon – all thanks to taking the anxiety pills
  • 7/22 – the presentation I’ve been preparing for went well in spite of my technical ineptitude; did a simple sketch of some lilac blossoms in my mini-sketch book while at work
  • 7/23 – drew a very good, not at all real looking, flower and then added good color with Josh’s special watercolor pencils
  • 7/24 – had a phenomenal evening hanging with Mom; had dinner out and then ran to the grocery store and laughed damn near the whole time
  • 7/25 – got to spend some time with friends
  • 7/26 – went for a pedicure with Mom
  • 7/27 – got to see my beautiful nieces

What made you happy this past week?

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an award for little ol’ me

The lovely Diana of Trying to Make Things Right has nominated me for a Liebster Award. I suck at these things. I never know who to nominate or what questions to ask, but I have fun answering the other person’s questions. So in true Mama fashion, I’m cheating.

1. If you had one wish what would it be? That the doctors and scientists could find ways to keep people from suffering so much. I get that we all have to die, I just wish it wasn’t such a terrible process sometimes.
2. If you could change one law, what would it be and why? I believe that marriage equality should be in the constitution. Every adult human being deserves to be able to marry the adult human being they love. Period.
3. What is your favorite movie? What Dreams May Come
4. What is your dream job? Pretty much what I’m doing right now except I’d like to be able to teach one “real” course every semester in addition to the one-off training classes I do. Something like Digital Literacies or Information Design would be fun.
5. If you could travel to a different time period, when would it be? It would be really interesting to travel back to when King Arthur should have been around – as long as I can take my own toilet paper.
6. Do you love zombies, if not why? I think the idea of zombies is almost a little too plausible to be entertaining for me. But I loved the movie “Warm Bodies” and I thought that idea of the zombies being cured by human compassion and love was wonderful. I’m not all that fond of The Walking Dead, mostly because Josh watches it in bed while I’m trying to sleep.
7. Who is your favorite actor/actress? Hmm, not sure I have a favorite. I’ll see damn near anything Robert Downey, Jr. or Jeff Bridges puts out, same with Nicholas Cage. I’m also rather fond of Mary Louise Parker. I tend to go for folks who aren’t so “pretty” but end up playing smart and/or funny characters. The story is way more important to me than who’s in the movie.
8. Do you now or have you ever had a nickname? Several, but all family ones. My mom used to call me Erin Angel when I was very small. When I got older and would help her around the house I somehow became Gunga-din. Mostly now it’s Josh calling me Sexy Mama. The name Erin just doesn’t lend itself to any nicknames, and that always kind of bummed me out a little.
9. What would you want your last meal to be? Um, not to be the cause of my death? j/k Probably Mom’s lasagna. She makes the best damn lasagna EVER. Sadly, with only the 3 of us now, it’s not that practical to make a big pan of it.
10. What is your biggest fear? Being alone. More specifically that both Mom and Josh will die before I do and I’ll have no fucking idea how to take care of myself.
11. Do you think im awesome? lolĀ  Of course you’re awesome, you read my blog!

So since I don’t like nominating people, I’m going to invite anyone who’s interested (or in dire need of something to blog about) to consider yourself nominated and answer my list of random questions.

  1. What is your favorite breakfast?
  2. When you need to cheer yourself up, what music do you go for?
  3. What is your favorite family tradition?
  4. What should your headstone read?
  5. What is your middle name?
  6. Where did you go on your favorite vacation?
  7. How do you like your eggs prepared?
  8. What is your personal mission statement?
  9. Do you feel as though you are a grown up yet?
  10. What is the most unusual thing you’ve ever done to or with your hair?
  11. What kind of chocolate do you prefer?
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picture pages, picture pages…

random banner

It’s Friday and I feel a little funky. In a good way. Like this…

So anyway, now that you’ve had some good music, how about some funny pics. I think this well we’ll delve into my “random” folder and see what we have with the word “fuck.” Yeah…

file me under fA classic

10435935_274093829429432_8998932779962867675_nHow about that Care Bear stare?

zero fucksAww yeah…

fuck youScientifically proven

milk cartonBWAHAHAHAHA!

life_is_too_short_to_give_a_fuck_by_roberlan-d77aa12Indeed it is

2014-06-30 23.28.17That’s right bone-man

10387579_281817861990362_4605080045246788674_nGotta love Betty White


fuckToo bad all my light switches go the other direction

little flower dividerIn case you haven’t ventured out lately, here’s a few things I’d like to update you on.

  • I have joined the Twitter so that I don’t have to harass everyone when I need to spew a little something. My username is MentalMama76 and I think there’s a button over there —-> somewhere so you can follow me. Just be warned – my back-up beeper isn’t working right now.
  • With some help from mommyx4boys, I am going to launch another “challenge.” It will be photo/image based, run for 8 weeks, and have a theme each week. I’m going to do my damndest to get all of the details up this weekend.


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