building rome / life worth living OR if at first you don’t succeed…

reach for the starsOh holy fucking hell, what was that MESS???

If you’re just joining me for the first time, I’ve got a list of 10 Major Goals I want to accomplish before I turn 40 in 2016. That’s what I refer to as my Life Worth Living; it’s a DBT thing. If you don’t want to stay stuck where you’ve been in life, you have to figure out where you want to go and what it would take to truly make your life worth living.

To get there, I’m using the Building Rome setup from Green Embers to break those major goals into smaller, more manageable pieces that I tackle on a weekly basis. Every week I do a Creative, Stress Management, Health, Financial, and School goal that tie back to my personal Building a Life Worth Living project.

Last week was not good, not at all. I had too much stress, too many issues with my body, and I just plain wasn’t in a decent mood. But I did make some progress, so YAY.

I would strongly encourage anyone who wants a little boost in helping achieve goals to join Green Embers and the rest of the Building Rome crew as we reach for the stars.

Update from last week:

Creative – Brainstorm ideas for my “big creative project” goal and try to settle on one so that I can start planning.

Brainstorming is done, just need to make my selection. The candidates are:

  • silversmithing
  • knit a dragon stole
  • Fair Isle knitting
  • write a book
  • sew decorative pillows for the bed
  • learn to make lampwork beads
  • make a painting
  • learn to draw Celtic knotwork
  • make a glass painting of my Green Man
  • sew a garment I can wear to work
  • learn leathercraft
  • reupholster the gold chair
  • make a needle felted cat (I have a kit for this)

Stress Management – Walk on the treadmill at least 15 minutes on Monday and Wednesday before dinner.

I walked on Monday but not Wednesday. I wanted to walk another evening, but my schedule was fucked and then my legs got bad again, so it just didn’t happen. But once is better than not at all.

Health – Keep up with the shower/brushing & flossing teeth, and tracking food via the app. Work to keep my number of calories for the day at or under my recommended limit, which means making smarter food/drink choices.

My teeth are looking AMAZING. I’m brushing twice a day and flossing at night. My next step with that is to floss in the morning as well. I didn’t do near as well with the food tracking. Stress during the day apparently does still influence my choices and then I feel ashamed.

Financial – Don’t spend money except for Rxs or necessary groceries.

When there’s nothing to spend, it’s much easier.

School – Turn assignments in early. Make a plan for working ahead again.

Done and done. And, for the record, I cannot wait to be entirely done with this fucking class.

Bonus Goal – The theme for this week is Love, so I’m going to see if I can’t find a way to spread a little extra love to those around me.

WOW, did I totally suck at this! I was grumpy and sarcastic and just generally shitty pretty much all week. All I can say in my defense is that I started the week with good intentions.

flower divider

This weeks goals will be:

Creative – Finish that damn towel! And I need to work up a schedule for the “one knit/crochet project a month” bit. The list of candidates for that looks like this:

  1. vintage hand towel
  2. cabled socks
  3. basic socks for Mom
  4. Fargyle socks
  5. long sleeved sweater
  6. cabled mitts – my pattern
  7. shrug – use my pattern?
  8. entrelac something – ???
  9. filet piece to be framed – squirrel w/acorn
  10. filet rose doily
  11. stuffed squirrel – knit
  12. amigurumi love bugs – for the girls for V day
  13. mini monkeys
  14. crocheted flowers
  15. crocheted Hobbes (from Calvin and Hobbes)
  16. crocheted Minions (from Despicable Me)
  17. crocheted tea light roses
  18. knit dragonflies
  19. knit friendship roses
  20. knit catnip mice
  21. knit Deathflake
  22. knit vest

I have yarn and patterns picked out already for 90% of these. And in case anyone is wondering, yes, it is entirely possible for me to knit a sweater in a month’s time. The longest it’s ever taken for me is 9 days. For some reason there’s more motivation to finish a sweater than a goddamn towel.

Stress Management – Given the state of my legs, I’m going to hold off on the treadmill for a bit. Instead, I’m going to see if I can get my reading for pleasure time in. I’m aiming for at least two nights, 30 minutes each time.

I wouldn’t normally do an either/or goal, but this week I’m going to. If I don’t feel like reading, I can sketch or do something in one of my coloring books. I really just need to spend at least 30 minutes unwinding without electronics before I go to bed.

So actually, doing both the reading AND the sketching every night would be the ideal situation.

Health – Keep up with the shower/brushing & flossing teeth, and tracking food via the app. Work to keep my number of calories for the day at or under my recommended limit, which means making smarter food/drink choices. This has got to happen!

Financial – We’re planning a trip north in October, so I need to start figuring out how to take care of the bills that are going to start coming in and have some spending money. I believe a plan is in order.

School – Work ahead again. The only way I’m going to get through this alive is to stay a step ahead of her.

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a bit of an update

just stop talkingThis is Josh’s weekend to have his daughter. She’s a good kid, but she’s 11, and she likes to talk. No, wait, what I meant to say is that the only time she fucking shuts up is when there’s food in her mouth or when she’s sleeping. It’s killing me. And she told me yesterday that she likes hanging out with me more than her dad because I talk to her (more like listen appropriately) and I’m not always messing with my phone.

img-squirrel-with-old-phone-d-26x152-v01So anyway, I managed to get my homework done finally and we got some of the stuff done around the house. To his credit, Josh cooked lunch and dinner yesterday with only a little bit of help. And the help was only because he isn’t as confident of his cooking skills as he probably should be. He’s a good cook.

CnFwLFLMom and the kid and I ran some errands in the afternoon, and after we got home I knew that I made the right decision about not going to see Phantom. We were gone for about 2 hours total and my legs were killing me. They actually started draining so bad that Mom could see the gunk on my pants. Nice.

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And now I think it’s time to revisit something I haven’t done in awhile…

attitude of gratitudeThis week I was thankful for:

  • Mom encouraging me to see her doctor who is way more amazing than the doctor I normally see. I finally got the referral I needed for a dermatologist.
  • Mom and Josh putting up with me mostly being a whiny little bitch.
  • F being completely understanding when I bailed on the Phantom trip. She is truly a BFF.
  • Evie Cat letting me train her to beg for treats.
  • Y’all leaving me such nice comments. That really helped cheer me up.
  • Mom making me watch Dancing with the Stars with her Monday night after I had my meltdown about the “failed” assignment. I got to see Tommy Chong in a green pimp suit dance to Drop it Like It’s Hot. Priceless.
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late night musings

Ok, so it’s only really late for me. I’m old, I know. Shut up.

2014-09-18 18.50.37I should already be snuggled up in bed with Evie Cat, but I’m not in a very good mood, so I’m trying to get a little more tired without my meds first.

I managed to get an appointment with the dermatologist. I’d have liked to see her sooner, but I already had other appointments when she had openings. So I’ll have to wait until the 29th. I’m actually kind of nervous about this and ended up asking Josh to go with me.  I am way more than capable of seeing a doctor, even a dermatologist who might want to shave pieces off me with nothing to deaden the nerves, all by myself. But, there was talk of surgery yesterday and that just kind of freaks me out a bit.

2014-09-07 00.15.32Anyway, been dealing with that, which is good but scary, and been trying to deal with this fucking school business. And I think what I hate most is that I have allowed this bitch prof to get inside my head and make me feel like I can’t do this. BULLSHIT. Her “teaching style” sucks donkey balls. I’ll say it again, she’s got no business in a classroom and really no business being online. I actually ran into one of my classmates on campus the other day and she’s also a grad student and also having issues with this idiot.

10389437_283737471798401_5576553049691579649_nI redid the thing I didn’t do right, now I just have the chapter in the book to read, 3 written assignments (worksheets from hell), and 2 discussion board replies. Which begs the question – precisely how late should I stay up tonight?

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shitty options are still options, right?

2014-07-24 19.40.56Well, something like that.

After I posted this morning I tried to just suck it up and get shit done. And for the most part that’s precisely what I did. I finished what I needed for a new class next week, and I’m actually really proud of what I’ve produced. So yay for that.

Tonight I went and saw a GP. My skin is driving me around the bend and it’s doing new unpleasant things. I wanted answers this time, real fucking answers instead of just being told that I’m fat.

The new unpleasant thing is actually no big deal. There’s a cream waiting at the pharmacy that will clear that bit up within a few weeks. She had no idea about the nasty bruise that sprung up, but said not to worry. And she talked to me about options for those rotten little cyst things.

My next step is to make an appointment with a dermatologist, one she says is delightful and compassionate and thorough. She outlined the three treatments that are typically used for this (that the previous lame excuse for a dermatologist neglected to mention at all) and quite honestly, they all kind of scare the hell out of me.

But this was one of my goals. I wanted to find out what could be done, and I’m doing that. So yay for that as well.

I need to talk more to Josh and Mom and get their input. The good thing is that if this dermatologist is as amazing as advertised, Josh can get help, too. And this should be covered by our insurance.

Right now I just mostly feel overwhelmed. There’s a lot to do for school yet this week and I’ve got a meeting to train people to do web stuff in the morning and then a training session for the help desk kids in the afternoon. I’ve pretty well decided that I just can’t go to see Phantom this weekend with F because there’s too much to do and I’m fried. And that sucks.

2014-09-16 20.00.24

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not myself right now

This week has been pretty shitty. The assignment that has to be redone by this weekend is really pissing me off. Physically I feel terrible. Josh’s psych doc is moving to another state so I need to find him a new one. And work is just not going that well at all.

I want to write, I really do. I just have no fucking clue what to write about, and there’s not much time. And really, I’m just not that happy with life right now.

It appears I have fallen off the wagon, or something, and I need to figure out how to get myself back on track. I really just wanted to let y’all know I haven’t disappeared and that hopefully I’ll be back soon.

winning and losing

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are you fucking kidding me?

Sorry y’all, Mama needs to bitch…

I’m taking yet another class with a woman who is, in my opinion, one of the worst instructors on the whole fucking planet. She’s got no business teaching in a classroom, let alone online. The assignment I turned in the second week got no points because she didn’t like it. So I get to re-write it. Because I didn’t have anything better to do. And the discussion boards are supposed to open on Monday so that we can start posting, but it didn’t this week so I got to call her out on it. Yay. The only good news is that this is my last class with her. Everything else for this degree should be with other professors.

praise jesusMy skin is up to its usual tricks, which is just super. I hurt in places you just really shouldn’t hurt. I’ve got to find something to do to get rid of this bullshit.

I’m still not ready for a class I teach next Wednesday. I’m hoping I’ll get some time this afternoon while I’m camped out in the other office. Something has to go right with this day, right?

In happier news, I did work some on my goals yesterday. I think I got the brainstorming for the long-term creative project done. I also spent some time with a drawing, though I’m not sure I really like it. Didn’t go anywhere so I didn’t spend any money, I did work on my homework and this morning was able to turn in the first piece for this week 2 days early. And I walked on the treadmill, showered/brushed 2x/flossed, logged all my food, and was under my allotted calories.

funny-pictures-cat-offers-fist

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building rome / building a life worth living update

reach for the starsWelcome to the weekly installment of Mama’s Building Rome / Building a Life Worth Living. If you’re just joining me for the first time, I’ve got a list of 10 Major Goals I want to accomplish before I turn 40 in 2016. That’s what I refer to as my Life Worth Living; it’s a DBT thing. If you don’t want to stay stuck where you’ve been in life, you have to figure out where you want to go and what it would take to truly make your life worth living.

To get there, I’m using the Building Rome setup from Green Embers to break those major goals into smaller, more manageable pieces that I tackle on a weekly basis. Every week I do a Creative, Stress Management, Health, Financial, and School goal that tie back to my personal Building a Life Worth Living project.

From last week:

Creative – Finish the knitting project I started a few weeks ago.

I wasn’t able to finish, but I made really good progress. I thought about trying to push myself to finish last night, but then I decided that I’d spend a little time on a totally different creative project.

2014-09-14 21.07.282014-09-14 21.07.39That’s a nanoblock dragonfly. One hundred and forty pieces and he’s roughly 6″ long. The wings actually move. Took me a little better than an hour.

Stress Management – Make myself some new CDs for in the car and listen to music at home when appropriate.

Done! I made 5 new CDs and now the little holder I keep them in is full, plus one.

Health – Continue the daily showering/brushing/flossing stuff AND start keeping track of my food intake, as per shrinky-poo.

The showering/brushing/flossing bit was just fine. I even added in brushing every night. I started doing good keeping track of my food intake, and then on Friday I got frustrated and murdered an entire bag of innocent peanut butter M&Ms and said fuck it to the whole works.

Financial – I’ve decided (with some encouragement) to open a Red Bubble store. I’ve got all of my drawings scanned, I just need to upload them, decide what stuff they’d be appropriate on, and write descriptions. That needs to get done this week. This would potentially take care of the goal to bring in additional income.

There are 10 designs in my store and they’re actually being viewed.

School – Get the book finished, get my assignments done early and do them properly; work ahead if possible.

Done! I got the two assignments for the week done and turned in on Wednesday. (one was due Thursday and the other on Sunday) AND, I was able to work ahead which is a total bonus.

flower dividerFor the coming week:

Creative – Brainstorm ideas for my “big creative project” goal and try to settle on one so that I can start planning. So far I’ve got 2 possibilities, learning to silversmith and a filet knitting piece. The silversmithing I’ve never done, but there’s a class offered at the community college. My best guess is that will run me about $200. The filet knitting piece looks really neat, but quite daunting. It’s done with laceweight yarn on small needles and doesn’t include a chart to reference, just written directions.

If any of you have suggestions for something that might fit, I’d love to hear your ideas. The exact goal is “Plan a long term creative project that incorporates a new skill or a skill I haven’t perfected yet. Start the project and finish it before my 40th birthday.”

Stress Management – Walk on the treadmill at least 15 minutes on Monday and Wednesday before dinner.

Health – Keep up with the shower/brushing & flossing teeth, and tracking food via the app. Work to keep my number of calories for the day at or under my recommended limit, which means making smarter food/drink choices. (I’m using a free app for my Droid called My Fitness Pal, if anyone is interested. The best part is that it has a barcode scanner.)

Financial – Don’t spend money except for Rxs or necessary groceries.

School – Turn assignments in early. Make a plan for working ahead again.

Bonus Goal – The theme for this week is Love, so I’m going to see if I can’t find a way to spread a little extra love to those around me.

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