life through the lens – pain

through the lensThe theme this week is Pain. I had quite a few ideas for this one, actually. It seems like I’ve packed a fair amount of pain into my years. But some of the pictures I found, even though they were older, much older, were still too fresh to take out and tell their stories. So I’m going with this one…

198176_5333837052_5425_nBelieve it or not, that was Evie Cat’s dad. His name was Galahad and he was an amazing little guy. We rescued him the old fashioned way – the downstairs neighbors had kittens, he kept escaping from their apartment, we lived in a terrible part of town, so I took him in. He and I became fast friends. (and the horny little bastard sired two litters of kittens)

When Rob and I separated, I couldn’t take any of the “kids” with me so he took Galahad to his sister’s to live with him. A few years later my little guy had a stroke and had to be put down. He was not the first cat I had ever had cross the Rainbow Bridge, but he was the first to do so while so far away from me. I never got to say goodbye and that was horrible.

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what the hell? is it Tuesday or Monday or what?

I love long weekends for the extra time they afford to do exciting things, like clean out my backpack and knitting bag, but holy fucking hell does this shit ever confuse me! It was so bad this morning that I dropped all of my bills in the slot at the mail room with no damn stamps on them. But hey, there’s a perk of using the campus mail service – when I realized what I’d done and called, the guy told me he’d fish them out and I could come pay for them in a bit, but don’t come now because there’s a herd of foreign kids here right now trying to ship things and it’s backed up.

But I digress. Like usual.

I wanted to give a bit of an update on things. Josh is still so sick that he stayed home and I made him a doc appointment. Hopefully that helps. I still feel mostly alright. Of course, having the world’s best crab salad and crackers for lunch never hurts.

The shower thing happened both yesterday and today, and I even remember to floss last night. So yay for my silly little goals. I also managed to find some time last night to knit – 4 whole rows! And I did my drawing for the CCC. The theme this week is “anything you want between burger buns.” Or something like that.

Anyway, here’s my very unusual “burger.”

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It’s abstract and there’s a lot of symbolism in it, some that I didn’t even see until I had added the color.

But wait! It gets better! Josh decided to give it a go this week, too.

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His is obviously more of a “true to life” kind of burger. He kept fucking with it all evening. I think it’s good for him to be drawing again and I have every intention of trying to recruit him for more of the challenges.

Anyway, that’s where things are with me. I decided that I’d take some inspiration from Juls and see if I could pull off the whole blogging on my lunch break thing. This is kind of groovy. I’ll leave you with a very short video of the Evie Cat. This is kind of an experiment for me, so don’t be afraid that I’m going to inundate y’all with stupid cat tricks.

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building rome – weekly update

reach for the starsThe last time I posted about Building Rome, my goals looked like this…

  • Start the new knitting project. This does need to be more than just getting out the yarn and needles – I need to at least cast on and get the first 2 rows done. I got the cast on done and that was it.
  • Read for a bit every night before bed. I can’t really say how long because some nights it makes me sleepy very fast. HA! Moving on…
  • Do something creative/crafty every day. This can include the Cartoon Challenge entry, knitting, coloring, origami, or sketching. Pretty much anything will count. I managed some creative things a few times, but not every day. Better than the reading goal.

I knew that life was going to most likely get in the way, and it did. But ya know what, that happens sometimes. You pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and get right back on that fucking bull.

In light of my Building a Life Worth Living stuff, my weekly goals here with Building Rome are going to start looking a little different. I’m going to do my best to aim for a Creative goal, a Stress Management goal, a Health goal, a Financial goal, and a School goal. The bigger concepts that are part of BLWL will get broken down to start fitting into those smaller weekly categories.

Let’s see what I can make happen…

Creative – Complete a sketch for CCC and do the Life Through the Lens challenge

Stress Management – Read before bed as often as possible

Health – Get back in the routine of taking a shower EVERY day and brushing my teeth every time

Financial – Don’t spend money on anything I don’t actually need; paying bills or buying groceries should be about all I’ll need to do – oh, and a hair cut

School – Successfully complete all of my assigned reading and homework for the week before it’s due

The theme for this week is actually “be happy” so I’m going to throw in one additional goal for myself to try to do a little something each day just to make myself happy.

10391417_10152247275246863_2461136602244544116_nSing it, Frankie…

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smack me now

Yesterday was Saturday, right? Yes, it was. Mom and I got up and went to the farmer’s market that’s close to us to get some veg. I also got some more of the most amazing, though ridiculously overpriced, artisan goat cheese. Phenomenal. It’s lavender and candied ginger, and the texture is so smooth and the flavor so exquisitely mild.

Nothing like a food description from a fat girl, eh?

Anyway, then it was off for coffee and pedicures. Or maybe we got the coffee before the farmer’s market, I can’t remember. The important thing to know about the coffee is that I get mine without any real coffee content anymore. I get a large mocha smoothie with no espresso, which in English is a big cup of ice with some chocolate syrup, a little coffee flavored syrup, and milk, that gets thrown in the blender. And for this delicacy I get to fork over nearly $5. Coffee shops are a fucking racket.

Do not ask what I paid for the goat cheese.

Anyway, pedicures. For whatever dumbass reason I caved and got a manicure this time. I never get manicures. I kill them almost immediately. But my nails really did look like shit and why not have someone rub me in public and trim my disgusting cuticles?

We hadn’t even made it out the door when I fucked up the polish on the one thumb, trying to get out a smoke.

Classy, right?

At any rate, much of the rest of the day was a blur because some component in the coffee made me ill. Very ill.

We did manage to get the errands done without me shitting my pants, though I’m still not sure how. We went to the mall and got some candle stuff from Yankee, stopped at Bath & Body Works, and went to 3 different kiosks looking for a new cover for my goddamn phone. Please don’t suggest Amazon, we’re not talking right now. Their search engine fucking sucks. I found the PERFECT sugar skull iPad case right after I checked out – a case that did not come up when I was specifically looking for iPad cases that had skulls on them.

Lousy. Fucking. Bastards.

And Josh has the plague. Well, maybe not the plague, maybe more like The Plague, but who knows. He sneezes, blows his nose, coughs, and hawks up lung cookies near constantly. It is disgusting.

And of course he’s been kind enough to try passing it on to me, but I’m not having any part of it, mostly because there is next to nothing I can take over the counter to help with that bullshit. Trying to get by during a summer cold with just Vick’s Vaporub SUCKS ASS.

Mom and I have been cleaning stuff out again, too. Damn her fucking AARP magazine! There was an article this month from a professional organizer that had tips and stuff and then I told her I wanted to prune my closet a bit so that I could make room to hang some of the stuff that was folded, and that’s how lucky ol’ Josh found himself making multiple trips to the thrift shop, one with the back seats in the jeep laid down.

Good times.

I am beyond exhausted, I smell funny, and there are parts of me screaming from being abused – parts I didn’t even know existed until today. I was sitting on the floor, I was hip deep in cupboards, I was up on chairs. At one point I was ice skating on the mud in the yard while carrying a box of heavy grill parts to the trash. Amazingly enough I stayed upright, though how is sure one of jezuz’s most closely guarded secrets.

I’ve got one more assignment to do and turn in and then some videos to watch for school yet today, then I can play. I got an amazing new coloring book yesterday and I think I might like to knit. Just having the extra day will be lovely.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go see if I can’t scrub the stink off myself. Toodles!

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prepare for Mama-geddon

Hiya bitches, I’m baaaack!

praise jesusSorry to abandon y’all like that, but I needed some time to sort. Again. And figure out where bits of my life are going. Again. And sniff lots of dirty shoes in an attempt to become mentally altered. Oh, wait…

August is always a really busy time for me. It’s when I teach the most, it’s when classes start up for Mama the Student again, money gets weird because of needing new license plates for the cars, things with Josh have been tenuous at best, personal relationships at work have SUCKED, my mental health has not been as stable as I’d have liked, Mom’s birthday, and then her anniversary (which, as I sit here I am just realizing that it has come and gone and I am such a shit for forgetting it)…

When things here in Blogville got shitty again, it was kind of the last straw for me. I had well and truly had more than enough bullshit. And I couldn’t see then how to best deal with it.

2014-08-14 18.31.53So I had to think, and process, and think a little more, and talk to T-Bone, and pet the Evie Cat, and think some more. My thinking/sorting process is NEVER linear, and frequently very messy. Given that there were so many things to sort this time, it was messier than usual, particularly since many of the sorts had the potential to be Very Life Altering.

10456816_1531607147062915_8623577456851571911_nThat, that bit above ^, that is what I decided on, and it’s going to guide everything.

My job helps improve the quality of higher education for students. Education almost always equates to better job opportunities, which almost always equates to better pay, which almost always equates to a better quality of life. Seems like a right good cause to me.

I’m getting better and better at expressing myself, in writing, through my art, and in speaking to people. I was told by T-Bone this week that he felt I’d make a very fine stand up comedienne. I’ve realized that it’s more important for me to speak my truth – respectfully – than it is to try to impress people. I am what I am, like me or not, that’s not my fucking problem.

10348468_281817485323733_6589425722561617417_nThe hard issue to work on has been what to do about my marriage. I haven’t talked about it here much lately because I didn’t have much to say other than I haven’t been happy. This is different than how I used to be unhappy when Josh and I first got married, mainly because he very seldom drinks anymore. But when I look at the situation from a purely analytical perspective, it’s really fucking grim. I question why I stay with him, what is it that I’m getting out of this relationship?

But something keeps me with him, keeps me wanting to try. And we’ve finally started talking again, like really talking, and it’s gotten vastly better over the last few days. I find that really encouraging.

love is a choiceSo part of what’s left to figure out is how to find some balance in all this. Josh will start his class next Wednesday and will be gone Mondays and Wednesdays until mid November. My class this semester is online, so I will most likely try to do my school stuff on the evenings he’s gone – it’s just easier that way. And grad school work doesn’t really phase me at this point.

Work will stay busy for awhile, which means any blogging will have to be done in the evenings before 8pm. I’m kind of having mixed emotions about trying to write posts ahead and then schedule them. That was part of what was making all of this feel like work. However, I definitely want to keep up with the CCC and Life Through the Lens weekly challenges. And I REALLY want to get back to doing the Building Rome posts. There just has to be a way to make this all work.

10442458_683946534992384_5771131291516754723_nSeriously, that’s how I’ve managed to get through both of the degrees I have already plus the promotion. Suck it, bitches!

I did cut back on how many blogs I follow, which has helped, and I’m leaving fewer comments. I just can’t get dragged into some of that shit. And I think I’ll leave comments here on moderation for a little while. You should know, I’ve read all of them and approved everything except those on that first unhappy post. I just can’t.

You should also know that I’ve missed you.

2014-06-23 13.02.47I’ll be trying my best to get back to a more regular schedule, very shortly. Next week is odd because of the holiday and I’ve got a class to deliver on Sept 24 that I have yet to prep for, so that will almost certainly keep me busy at work. But I’ll see what I can do.

Thank you to all of you who have hung in there with me, it really does mean a lot.

 

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a small update

There are things I’d like to/need to talk about, but I don’t have enough time to do it properly this evening, and there are some bits I’d like to share visually that wouldn’t be appropriate with the rest. So tonight I’m going to put up the picture bits and then hopefully in the next day or so I’ll have enough time to do the big update. We do have the Labor Day holiday this weekend here in the US so I’ll have Monday off work, which should help with time management issues, too. Anyway, here goes…

flower fairy - kid craft project done with the girls last weekend

flower fairy – kid craft project done with the girls last weekend

based on a piece of clip art I found online

based on a piece of clip art I found online

because I wanted to draw a fairy that didn't look like shit (ignore the hands and feet)

because I wanted to draw a fairy that didn’t look like shit (ignore the hands and feet)

cool purple flower earrings I made from a kit that I purchased at least 6 years ago and had never bothered to make until Sunday

cool purple flower earrings I made from a kit that I purchased at least 6 years ago and had never bothered to make until Sunday

my first foray into mixing fine point marker and colored pencil, inspired by the wooden E that Josh helped me decorate

my first foray into mixing fine point marker and colored pencil, inspired by the wooden E that Josh helped me decorate

I’ve got another drawing that I started last night but didn’t get finished yet; I’ll share that another time. I am feeling much more confident in my drawing and, as you can see, I’ve been quite creative lately. I’ve also finally started doing homework for my latest class and need to make sure I stay on top of that.

See you again soon…

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creative bits

through the lensThis week’s theme is Love. I considered putting up a picture of Josh and I, but then I realized that I’m more than simply his wife. I am also the World’s Coolest Aunt.

2014-07-27 15.09.59That was the day I let my older niece paint my fingernails green and silver. After having dinner and being photographed, I promptly took it off – but she never knew. That’s love.

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